


watch the minutes go

by GallifreyanFairytale



Series: soft & slow [2]
Category: Avatar: The Last Airbender
Genre: Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Azula (Avatar) Needs a Hug, Azula (Avatar) Redemption, Bisexual Sokka (Avatar), Child Abuse, Coming Out, F/F, Fake/Pretend Relationship, Gay Zuko (Avatar), Getting Together, Homophobia, Hurt/Comfort, Lesbian Azula (Avatar), M/M, Minor Aang/Katara, Mutual Pining, Nonbinary Toph Beifong, Oblivious Zuko (Avatar), On Hiatus, Outing, Ozai (Avatar) is an Asshole, Past Jet/Zuko (Avatar), Slow Burn, Zhao (Avatar) Is An Asshole, Zuko (Avatar) Needs a Hug, gonna b honest this is pretty self indulgent, i mean jet isn't dead in this verse but you get the point, i write for myself first and everyone else second, jet isn't a toxic ex tho i promise, no beta we die like jet
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-10-26
Updated: 2020-12-07
Packaged: 2021-03-07 20:00:34
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 7
Words: 32,883
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26913289
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/GallifreyanFairytale/pseuds/GallifreyanFairytale
Summary: He’sokay, yes. He’s better than he’s been since six months ago when he realized he’s gay and, consequently, that he’d been lying to Mai. But he’s alsonotokay, because he has an angry father waiting for a phone call, an estranged sister offering her services, and a hundred thousand people on Twitter waiting for him to say something about the pictures.With the presidential campaign down to the final four candidates, the entire world is watching when Ozai Sozin's son is outed. Zuko, who would prefer to forget about his father's existence, is thrown into the forefront of an election he doesn't want any part in. Between an election he doesn't want to deal with, a father who might want him dead, and a sister who is acting downright bizarre, Zuko is pretty sure his life could not get any more complicated.Of course, then his feelings have to come in and prove him wrong.
Relationships: Azula & Zuko (Avatar), Azula/Jin (Avatar), Mai & Zuko (Avatar), Mai/Ty Lee (Avatar), Sokka/Zuko (Avatar)
Series: soft & slow [2]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1970167
Comments: 261
Kudos: 471
Collections: A:tla





	1. i think i have a confession to make

**Author's Note:**

> hello and welcome to the sequel to [who do you call (when it's late at night)](https://archiveofourown.org/works/26876104) because a lot of you said you were interested in sequel and i had a lot of ideas. i suggest you read that before you read this fic (it's only one chapter) but you could probably follow this well enough without reading it first if you so choose.
> 
> fic title is once again from 929 by halsey because that song has been my Breakdown Song since it came out in january and all i know is Project Onto Zuko and Cry

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> chapter title from 929 by halsey

**_i think i have a confession to make_ **

**_…_ **

**_i’m a liar. i’m a f***ing liar._ **

_— 929, halsey_

* * *

**_ZUKO_ **

Mai shows up with an iced black tea for Zuko and an iced coffee with caramel for Sokka. One look at the cups lets Zuko know exactly where the drinks are from, but Mai doesn’t make any mention of going to see Uncle. Maybe he wasn’t even working this morning.

Sokka accepts his iced coffee from Mai, offers her an enthusiastic, _“Thank you!!”_ and then makes himself scarce. Zuko doesn’t look at Mai as she slides his tea across the table to him, or as she sits down and wraps her hands around the cup Zuko knows is probably holding a hot chocolate. Edgy as Mai is, she still almost always orders hot chocolate instead of tea or coffee.

“You wanted to talk?” Mai asks. Zuko studies the wood of the table and the dark lines running across it. They have such a certain path. Is it weird to envy them? “I don’t want to push you, but… I don’t want you bottling things up either.”

Out of the corner of his eye, Zuko sees Mai raise her cup to her lips and take a drink. Zuko picks at his fingernails. He’d felt nothing but an empty hollowness running through his body from the moment he woke up until Mai opened the door, and then all of the panic he’d felt last night had flooded back in. It’s taking everything in him to not just walk out of his apartment and drive to some nowhere town in the midwest where he can create a new identity for himself and never contact any of his friends ever again.

_Friends_ , as if he has anyone besides Sokka left. Sure, if you asked Mai right now, she would probably say she’s Zuko’s friend. But if you ask her in five minutes after Zuko somehow manages to admit everything to her, she’ll probably change her answer. Sokka would chastise Zuko for thinking so negatively. What was it he said last night? _It doesn’t make you a bad person for dating Mai when you genuinely didn’t know._

“I need to tell you something.” There. That’s a good start. Not too much information, not exposing everything all at once. It opens up the conversation without immediately shutting it down due to Zuko’s confession.

“Okay?”

“I’m--” He already said it once. He told Sokka last night. Shouldn’t the second time be _easier_?

It’s not, though. It’s just as difficult as the first time, if not more so because while Zuko was afraid of Sokka hating him for being gay, he _knows_ Mai will hate him for his six-month charade that cost Mai the chance at her first relationship even being _real_.

Well. It was real. They referred to each other as “boyfriend” and “girlfriend”. They went on dates. They kissed. Zuko’s feelings just weren’t real, which is pretty much the worst thing to not be real in a relationship.

“Yes?”

Zuko risks a glance up at Mai’s face. Her eyebrows are raised and her focus is entirely on him. What else would it be on? She’s waiting for him to say _something_. She deserves to know.

“I’m sorry,” Zuko says, despite the fact that he really was ready to actually come out. But his brain chickened out at the last moment and an apology dropped from his mouth instead. He can still rectify this, though. This is salvageable.

“For?”

“I’m gay.”

“Oh.” Mai is silent for either half a second or twenty minutes - Zuko really can’t tell which - and then she lets out a soft laugh. 

That’s what gets Zuko to look up. Because out of all the scenarios he’d imagined when he finally fessed up to Mai, this was not something he’d ever considered. He’d been ready for her to yell, or get upset, or cry, or just walk out, or maybe even forgive him after his conversation with Sokka last night. But never once had he imagined she would find it _funny_. “What?” It comes out harsher than Zuko had intended.

“Would you get mad if I _‘Yeah, same’_ d you again?”

“What?” Zuko repeats, though the word has lost all of its malice and dissolved into complete confusion now. _What?_ He knows what all of Mai’s words mean separately, but when he tries to put them all together, his brain just flashes _DOES NOT COMPUTE_ in bright red letters. He stares at Mai blankly, hoping she’ll either repeat herself or offer an explanation in the form of a sentence Zuko’s brain decides it’s able to comprehend.

“Dude. I’m a lesbian.”

“Oh.” _Oh._ “So… you’re not mad at me?”

A smile plays at the edge of Mai’s lips. “That would be a little hypocritical of me, don’t you think?”

Zuko could fall out of his chair. Actually, he almost does, but he slams his hands onto the table at the last second to balance himself. His head is spinning and either the world is swaying or Zuko himself is swaying. He grips the edge of the table, but that only does so much to root him into reality.

Mai isn’t mad. _Mai isn’t mad_. And Mai is also gay? Should Zuko be happy about that? Should he congratulate her? No, scratch that, that’s weird. Should he say something supportive, like Sokka had said to him last night? Or should they just laugh about it again? Is Zuko’s body vibrating? That’s definitely weird.

“You okay?”

Zuko means to say _Yes_ , but what comes out instead is, “Um.” It’s possible his brain has been replaced with a literal cloud for all of the thoughts Zuko is having (which is to say, absolutely _none_ ). “What?”

Mai sets her cup down, stands up, and walks around to the side of the table where Zuko is sitting. She sits in the chair next to him, and hooks her foot around the leg of Zuko’s chair in order to turn it so they’re facing each other. “Zuko.”

“Yeah?”

“Are you okay?”

“Yeah.”

Mai raises an eyebrow. “Really? Because you don’t look okay.”

“Okay is a loose term,” Zuko says weakly. He’s _okay_ , yes. He’s better than he’s been since six months ago when he realized he’s gay and consequently, that he’d been lying to Mai. But he’s also _not_ okay, because he has an angry father waiting for a phone call, an estranged sister offering her services, and a hundred thousand people on Twitter waiting for him to say something about the pictures.

But he has Mai back. He has Sokka. He’s _okay_. Or, as _okay_ as he can be given the circumstances.

“C’mere.” Mai leans forward and wraps her arms around Zuko. It’s been, what, eight months since they hugged? And Mai’s hugs are _so nice_. Zuko responds slowly, wrapping his arms tentatively around Mai, because for all he knows, this is some sort of stress-induced dream and he’s still fast asleep in his bedroom.

But it’s _not_. It’s _real_. Mai is here, and she isn’t mad at him, and they both screwed it up when they were dating each other, but it’s _okay_.

_It happens_ , Sokka’s voice reminds him helpfully. Objectively, Zuko knew that was true, but it didn’t lessen the shame.

“What can I do?” Mai whispers, her chin resting on Zuko’s shoulder.

“I don’t know.” There isn’t much Mai _can_ do. There isn’t much _anyone_ can do. They can’t change the past, they can’t do anything to touch Ozai, they can’t erase the years of trauma Zuko endured growing up or sway Azula into seeing sense when he’s pretty sure her brain was fried into _Ozai Propaganda Bot_ years ago, before Zuko was even fully aware that his father didn’t love Azula anymore than him. Ozai _liked_ Azula more, sure - she listened to his words without question and she was always, _always_ the better child - but he didn’t _love_ either of them. He didn’t love anyone.

Mai breaks the hug, but keeps her hands planted on Zuko’s shoulders. “Are you going to say anything?”

“I don’t know.” It’s too early to make life-changing (and possibly life-threatening) decisions. No matter _what_ he says, someone is going to come for him. He could wave it off, say Jet assaulted him or something, but that would _not_ be fair to Jet. He could wave it off and say they were both drunk, but he doesn’t _want_ to do that. Zuko is _tired_ of hiding.

He’s already been outed. If he goes back in the closet now, he’ll never come out for real. He might as well just admit it, and deal with whatever the consequences are now so he doesn’t have to later.

And when he comes out and says that yes, he is gay (because it’s a _when_ , not an _if_ ), his dad will want him dead even more than he already does. His dad will try to disown him like he didn’t do that for the first time when Zuko was sixteen. People will accuse him of not being gay because he dated Mai. He’ll have news networks begging for interviews and asking Zuko to speak on his dad, and Zuko will turn them all down because he didn’t _ask_ for this. He didn’t _ask_ for his dad to be running for president, didn’t ask for him to be in the final four candidates, didn’t ask for the world to know his name because he was a decent human being and disagreed with Ozai’s policies.

So Zuko can either go back into hiding to please his father and random people he’s never met, or he can finally be _himself_.

Eight years ago, Zuko would have done _anything_ to win back his father’s love, but that was eight years ago. That was before Zuko saw how truly terrible the man was. Now, he’d rather be caught dead than do something just to please his dad.

“I’m going to tell the truth,” Zuko says carefully. “That Jet and I dated. That I’m gay. But I think that’s it. I don’t want-- I don’t want to be a big thing. I just want to live my life. I know with my dad, that’s not even possible, but…”

“But it _should_ be,” Mai insists. “You don’t have to do or say anything you don’t want to.”

Zuko nods. “Thank you, Mai.”

* * *

_1:26 AM_

**_Azula:_ **

_you are so reckless, zuzu. dad’s gonna have your head_

**_Azula:_ **

_i just talked to him on the phone._

_[message edited at 1:54 AM]_

**_Azula:_ **

_[message has been deleted]_

_3:56 AM_

**_Azula:_ **

_Dad says to call him._

_8:12 AM_

**_Zuko:_ **

_Azula, are you okay?_

**_Azula:_ **

_Are you really in a place to be asking ME if I’M okay?_

**_Zuko:_ **

_you’re deflecting_

**_Azula:_ **

_I’m not._

**_Zuko:_ **

_i’ll call him eventually_

**_Azula:_ **

_He’s not going to like that response._

**_Azula:_ **

_Reading the article again; this isn't looking good for you._

**_Azula:_ **

_This is not going to go away, Zuzu. You should call him soon._

**_Zuko:_ **

_i’ll think about it_

* * *

“What do you mean Azula is ‘acting weird’?” Sokka takes a long sip of his iced coffee. “Isn’t she always acting weird?”

Zuko and Sokka are sitting on the couch in Zuko’s apartment while Mai is lounging on the arm chair, back propped up against one arm and legs swung over the other. Sokka is twisting his straw between his fingers, a habit Zuko has noticed whenever Sokka has any sort of drink with a straw in it. Zuko’s drink is sitting on the coffee table, mostly untouched.

“It’s a different weird. Like… she deleted and edited some of her texts from last night, and when she texted again this morning, she was using proper punctuation and capitalization. She never does that. Also, her texts seemed a little... disjointed from each other?” Zuko shakes his head. “I know it’s probably just her, but I can’t shake the feeling that something might be wrong.”

“No offense,” Mai sets her cup down, “but I’m not sure you need to be worrying about Azula right now. I think you should probably be worrying about yourself."

Mai is right, because of course she is. What has Azula ever done to earn Zuko’s worry? Their entire childhood was spent with Azula looking to prove she was better than Zuko in every way possible, that she deserved to be the favorite child. And when Zuko had been sixteen and their father had burned half his face, Azula had stood by and watched with some sort of twisted smile on her face.

Granted, that was eight years ago. Azula was fourteen and obsessed with pleasing their father at every turn, so _of course_ she had all but cheered Ozai on as he burned Zuko. But not much has changed. Azula’s in Europe, doing their father’s bidding and covering up his secrets. She lets Ozai use her for whatever he wants, and Zuko has absolutely _no reason_ to believe that Azula would ever want to help him by mediating. Ozai must have told her to offer her services as a ‘middle man’.

Except she _deleted_ the text. And she’d changed her other message - taken out the _don’t tell Ozai I said this_ part. Every move Azula had ever made was calculated - but Zuko could not for the life of him figure out Azula’s reasoning for this one. Not that he was particularly good at figuring out Azula’s motivations, but he knew she always had them and they always had one thing in common: self-preservation. Azula valued herself over anyone else, and that was the beginning and end of every single decision she had ever made.

Zuko eyes his tea warily. The ice is half-melted and the signature red dragon design on the side of the cup is staring at him. If it’s going to stare like that, the least it could do is offer some answers.

“She wants me to call Ozai,” Zuko finally says. He thinks Mai and Sokka could have probably both guessed that. “Or… I think Ozai told her to tell me to call him. Because he thinks I might listen to her or something.”

“It wouldn’t be the first time,” Mai mutters. It’s true - Azula’s talked him into calling Ozai before. Because as terrible as she was to Zuko, there had been plenty of times when she _wasn’t_ a monster. In the end, she was still Zuko’s little sister. Zuko had done his share of big brother-ing for her - making lunches, watching dance recitals, playing Car Bingo during road trips, letting Azula climb into his bed after a nightmare. Back before Azula’s tenth birthday, when she had suddenly decided that Zuko was the worst person on the face of the earth.

Zuko _wants_ to believe that the Azula he knew when they were little is still in there somewhere, and while he doesn’t want to do anything for Ozai anymore, he _does_ want his little sister back. He probably always will. Which is why he’s let Azula talk him into calling Ozai, because maybe if he does enough for her, she’ll realize that he still loves her and he wishes she could love him again too.

“You shouldn’t call,” Sokka blurts out. Zuko looks at Sokka, who seems surprised at himself for speaking. “I just mean-- What is he even going to say to you? He already disowned you. He’s just going to yell at you and make you feel bad. You don’t owe him a conversation, and you _definitely_ shouldn’t have to just sit and-- and listen to him insult you. Or-- or worse.”

Zuko looks away from Sokka. He doesn’t like the way Sokka is looking at him - so angry with Ozai like there’s even anything he can do, and weirdly protective of Zuko considering he doesn’t really deserve protecting. “And what happens when I don’t call him and he shows up in person instead?”

Zuko isn’t sure Ozai would _actually_ show up, but it is pretty likely. Previously, when Zuko had ignored Ozai, Ozai sent other people to talk to Zuko for him. But after Zuko had first explicitly stated that he disagreed with basically every policy his father was campaigning on, and Zuko had refused to call his father back, Ozai had shown up at Zuko’s apartment and demanded he talk. Luckily, Mai had been over at the time and stood guard. She knew Ozai wouldn’t pull anything with a witness, especially one who cared about Zuko enough to not let Ozai buy their silence.

That had been a year and a half ago, back when Zuko shared an apartment with Haru, and they’d both moved since then. But Ozai could figure out where Zuko lived - he probably already knew.

“He wouldn’t do that,” Sokka argues, but he doesn’t sound very sure of himself. “...Right? Isn’t he campaigning in California? Would he really come all this way if you won’t call him back?”

“Yeah,” Mai answers for Zuko. “I think he would.”

* * *

_7:48 AM_

**_Katara:_ **

_If you need someone to talk to, I’m here. I support you no matter what <3 _

_8:34 AM_

**_Zuko:_ **

_Thanks for the offer, I appreciate it. I’m good right now._

**_Katara:_ **

_Okay, but my offer still stands_

**_Katara:_ **

_Don’t be afraid to reach out for any reason at all_

**_Katara:_ **

_And I want to let you know that you shouldn’t be having to deal with this. Outing someone is never okay under any circumstances, and I really am sorry that this happened to you. You should have been allowed to come out on your own terms and only to the people you wanted to. Don’t let anyone make you feel like you’re the bad guy in this situation - you’re not_

**_Zuko:_ **

_Thank you, Katara_

**_Katara:_ **

_Of course!_

* * *

_7:50 AM_

**_Aang:_ **

_Katara and I are both here if you need anything, and we both love and support you no matter what your sexuality is_

**_Aang:_ **

_You don’t have to talk about it if you aren’t ready, but we’re here whenever you need us_

_8:37 AM_

**_Zuko:_ **

_Thanks, Aang. I really appreciate it_

**_Aang:_ **

_Any time, Sifu Hotman!_

* * *

_8:05 AM_

**_Suki:_ **

_i know we haven’t talked in a while but i am ready and willing to commit murder for you, just say the word_

_8:39 AM_

**_Zuko:_ **

_thanks, but i’m hoping i won’t have to take you up on that offer_

**_Suki:_ **

_dude if you find out who leaked those pictures, it’s not an “offer”. i will spring into action whether you want me to or not._

**_Zuko:_ **

_seriously that’s not necessary_

**_Suki:_ **

_sword goes WHOOSH_

* * *

It would take Ozai roughly five hours to fly from wherever he is in California to New York, where Zuko is holed up in his apartment, sitting on the couch and scrolling through Netflix while Mai and Sokka whisper-yell at each other in the kitchen. Depending on which airport Ozai flew into, it could take anywhere from fifteen minutes to an hour between him getting off the plane and him arriving at Zuko’s apartment. The only unknown factors are how far he currently is from the closest airport in California, when the next flight to New York leaves , and how long he's willing to wait for Zuko to call him before he takes matters into his own hands.

In hindsight, Zuko probably should have looked into getting a restraining order when Mai had mentioned it two years ago. But he’d put it off, and now he's going to pay the price.

Sokka marches back into the living room, arms crossed and eyebrows furrowed. Mai walks in behind him, looking almost smug for some reason. “This is just confirmation,” she says, lips twitching up into a smile.

“Is not!” Sokka shouts. He plops down onto the couch next to Zuko. “You don’t know what you’re talking about.”

“Sure.” She turns to Zuko. “I have to go, but call me if you need anything.” She doesn’t wait for Zuko’s response before grabbing her purse and exiting Zuko’s apartment.

“What was that about?” Zuko asks as soon as the door shuts.

Sokka gives a terrible impression of someone trying to play innocent. “No idea.”

“I’ll pretend I believe you.”

“Thanks!” Sokka moves closer to Zuko so their sides are pressed up against each other. “What are we watching?”

“Don’t you have to go to work or something?”

“Nope!” Sokka says, popping the _p_. “The only thing on my schedule today is you! Hanging out with you, I mean. ...Are you going to drink that?” Sokka points to the tea Mai brought for Zuko.

Zuko is well aware that he probably _should_ drink it, because he hasn’t had any breakfast and he isn’t planning on eating anything, but he shakes his head anyways. His stomach is still doing enough twists and turns that he doesn’t feel like putting any sort of food or drink in his mouth right now. “You can have it if you want.”

“Thanks!” Sokka leans forward and grabs the cup. If he notices Zuko stiffen at the contact between them, he doesn’t acknowledge it.

* * *

_9:21 AM_

**_Toph:_ **

_Who do I need to beat up?_

**_Zuko:_ **

_?_

**_Zuko:_ **

_I mean What?_

**_Toph:_ **

_Zuko I get paid to punch people. I’m going to go beat up whoever leaked the pictures._

**_Zuko:_ **

_You’re a martial arts teacher; that’s different from getting paid to punch people. And I don’t know, but I don’t need you to beat whoever it was up._

**_Toph:_ **

_Was it Jet? Is that why you don’t want to hurt whoever it was?_

**_Zuko:_ **

_I don’t know if it was Jet, and it’s not like I can ask since he blocked my number and also literally every social media account I’ve ever had_

**_Zuko:_ **

_Either way, I don’t need you or Suki getting arrested for me_

**_Toph:_ **

_You really think the cops could catch me?_

**_Zuko:_ **

_I’m not having this conversation right now_

**_Toph:_ **

_Fine._

**_Toph:_ **

_But I WILL punch homophobes for free_

* * *

_9:29 AM_

**_Sokka!:_ **

_you seem distracted_

**_Zuko:_ **

_why are you texting me when we’re right next to each other?_

**_Sokka!:_ **

_didn’t want to interrupt the parks & rec background noise _

**_Sokka!:_ **

_or startle you_

**_Sokka!:_ **

_so what’s up?_

**_Zuko:_ **

_i need to call ozai_

**_Sokka!:_ **

_okay_

**_Zuko:_ **

_i know i’m running out of time but i can’t stop just.. watching the clock tick_

**_Zuko:_ **

_watching the minutes go_

**_Sokka!:_ **

_i feel that_

**_Sokka!:_ **

_there’s no solid deadline because you don’t know how long he thinks is too long, so you just keep watching the clock tick towards some unknown deadline, knowing you have to move, but not knowing how to get yourself there_

**_Zuko:_ **

_yeah, that’s it_

**_Sokka!:_ **

_how about after this episode ends, you call him, put him on speaker, and then i can yell at him if i need to?_

**_Zuko:_ **

_i don’t want to subject you to listening to whatever ozai wants to say to me_

**_Sokka!:_ **

_well it’s not going to do you any good to listen alone and keep it bottled up_

**_Zuko:_ **

_fine_

**_Zuko:_ **

_thank you_

**_Sokka!:_ **

_anything for you, buddy :-)_


	2. what i'm supposed to be

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> thanks so much for all the comments and kudos on the first chapter! i'm really excited for this fic and have a lot of fun things planned that i can't wait for you to read :D
> 
> chapter title from wallflower by mxmtoon

**_live my life in a wallflower garden_ **

**_with my friends and the fickle-hearted_ **

**_i don’t wanna stand out_ **

_— wallflower, mxmtoon_

* * *

_November 29, 2022_

_Interview Transcript: Zuko Sozin Speaks On His Father’s Interest In Running For President_

**_Interviewer:_ **

_Mr. Sozin. Thank you for joining us today._

**_Zuko Sozin:_ **

_Thank you for having me._

**_Interviewer:_ **

_On Friday, your father announced his intentions of joining the 2024 Presidential Race. Were you aware of this interest before then?_

**_Zuko Sozin:_ **

_Not exactly. When I was growing up, he mentioned running once or twice, but that was… before he had the support he has now. Back then, I didn’t think it was ever a real possibility. ...So I guess it shouldn't surprise me, but no, he did not announce his plans to me._

**_Interviewer:_ **

_Do you think he told your sister?_

**_Zuko Sozin:_ **

_I… I do believe so, yes. She’s always been good at keeping secrets._

**_Interviewer:_ **

_You and your father have had a… difficult relationship. How do you feel about him potentially running?_

**_Zuko Sozin:_ **

_Honestly? Not good._

**_Interviewer:_ **

_Care to elaborate?_

**_Zuko Sozin:_ **

_Beyond the fact that we’ve never really seen eye-to-eye and that caused… a rift between us, his policies and views tend to hurt people. I personally disagree with most of what I believe he will run his campaign on._

**_Interviewer:_ **

_Oh?_

**_Zuko Sozin:_ **

_Don’t get me wrong - there are personal reasons I don’t want him elected, but if I truly thought he was a good candidate, I would put those aside. I don’t think I’ve said it so bluntly before, but I truly do not support my father or any campaign he may run._

_Keep Reading_

* * *

**_ZUKO_ **

Ozai answers the call halfway through the first ring. Sokka squeezes Zuko’s hand as they watch the call connect. Zuko thinks he might get sick before he even hears Ozai’s voice, but he has to force himself to at least listen to whatever his father is wanting to tell him. He can throw up afterwards.

“Zuko.” Zuko winces at the voice. He should be used to hearing it now that it’s all over the news, but this is different. Interviews and news reports are far away and impersonal. This is Ozai speaking directly to Zuko. “You are a disgrace.”

Straight to the point, then.

“Tell me something I don’t know.”

“So you agree you’re disgusted by… this part of you that was best kept hidden?”

“No.” Zuko is surprised at how firm his voice is.

“ _No?_ ”

“I’m tired of being ashamed of who I am.” He looks up at Sokka, who gives him a reassuring smile and a thumbs up. “Whatever you want me to do to smooth this over, it’s not happening. You might have Azula wrapped around your finger, but if you wanted me to do your bidding, you should have considered that before disowning me.” The words falling from Zuko’s lips are dangerous, to say the least, but they need to be said. Maybe they should have been said with more tact, but Zuko is so emotionally worn out from the events of the past eight hours that he doesn’t have it in him.

Ozai is silent long enough that Zuko half-wonders if he keeled over because Zuko spoke back to him for the first time ever. Zuko isn’t lucky enough for that, though. That would be nothing short of a miracle, and Zuko doesn’t deserve one of those.

Ozai unleashes a slew of unrepeatable insults on Zuko, and Zuko just sits back and lets it filter in one ear and out the other. None of the words mean anything anymore. If Ozai really wants to hurt Zuko, he’s going to have to be more creative than slurs and swears.

When Ozai has finished his spiel, Zuko simply says. “Okay.”

“That’s all you have to say?”

“Yep.”

Zuko doesn’t want to brag, but he’s gotten good at giving Ozai indifferent answers that he can’t do anything with. When Zuko was younger, he’d give into the bait and argue back, but he’s realized since then that it just isn’t worth it. He can’t change Ozai’s mind, and the more he says, the more Ozai can retaliate with and hold against him.

“Are you done now?” And because Zuko is feeling bold this morning, he adds, “Being outed is a lot more work than you’d think - I have things to do.”

Ozai hangs up without another word. Zuko looks up at Sokka to smile, but Sokka’s face is nothing short of shell shocked. His eyes are wide and his mouth is hanging open.

“What?”

“How did you-- How do you just sit there and take that?!” Sokka demands.

Zuko shrugs. “It’s easier than arguing. I didn’t even hear what he said, honestly.”

Sokka blanches. “Dude, _what_? He just--” Sokka shakes his head, then leans over and pulls Zuko into a hug. “I’m so sorry you got stuck with such an awful father. You don’t deserve this.”

And Zuko _knows_ that, he really does. He’s spent the last eight years learning and relearning that very thing. But hearing it from someone else, someone besides his own mind which is constantly plagued with doubt, is reassuring. It’s _nice_. It makes it feel more real, and less like some line Zuko memorized from a play and repeated to himself enough to convince himself it might be true.

Zuko pulls himself out of Sokka’s arms and looks around the room. Netflix is still pulled up on his TV, the next episode of Parks & Rec ready to go, but Zuko thinks he should probably _not_ be watching stupid sitcoms he’s already seen for sixteen hours straight. He doesn’t really like the idea of going _out_ anywhere, though, because people _know_ him. They know he’s Ozai’s son - the scar makes him pretty recognizable - and Zuko doesn’t know how quickly his name got trending on Twitter last night, but he’s fairly certain anyone who’s even marginally keeping up with the election is bound to know at this point. And really, that should be _at least_ everyone who can vote.

As if Sokka knows exactly the dilemma happening in Zuko’s mind, he says, “Why don’t I take you to the Jasmine Dragon to visit Iroh? I’m sure he’s going to want to hear from you.”

Sokka is right. Uncle hasn’t tried to call (yet), but since the news broke so late last night and he usually opens alone on Tuesdays, it’s not surprising that he wouldn’t have had a chance. And maybe he wants to allow Zuko time to come to him on his own, since this is something _Zuko_ should have been telling him, instead of CNN or whatever news network Uncle found out from.

Zuko nods. “Yeah. Okay. That’s-- that’s a good idea.”

Sokka smiles at him, warm and soft, and Zuko suddenly kind of wants to just stay here and watch Sokka smile at him like that for a while. But he knows Uncle is probably worried, and he needs to leave his apartment at _some_ point, which will be much much easier with Sokka by his side. 

And the Jasmine Dragon has always been a safe space for Zuko - somewhere he can run to when he doesn’t want to be anywhere at all. He knows he can always count on Uncle to let him hide in the back room without questioning Zuko on _why_ until he’s ready to talk. So it’s really the only option for the first place Zuko goes when he knows the entire world is waiting for him to say something. Uncle must know that, too. He’s probably expecting Zuko.

“Perfect!” Sokka stands up and offers his hand to Zuko before pulling Zuko up next to him. “We’ll have to stop by my house, though, ‘cause…” Sokka looks down at his clothes - well, actually his pajamas. Zuko hadn’t noticed it last night, but he clearly hadn’t changed before coming over. His pants have holes in the knees from wear, and his shirt has a purple stain - from grape juice, maybe? - on one of the sleeves. “These are not clothes I really want to wear out in public.”

Zuko laughs, even though what Sokka said wasn’t really funny. “So you’ll wear a Winnie the Pooh onesie to school, but not the pants with the holes you ‘earned’?”

“That was for Halloween!” Sokka protests. “And also, I was seventeen, and Toph triple dog dared me to.” He crosses his arms. “Besides, that was _not_ the weirdest thing I wore to school. You should’ve brought up the _World’s Coolest Grandma_ shirt.”

“That was for Spirit Week, and Aang was wearing the same one,” Zuko points out. “Although, I guess the Shrek cosplay would’ve been a better point, now that I think about it…”

Sokka buries his face in his hands. “Can we _please_ not mention that?”

Zuko smiles. That one was Suki’s fault, really. The three of them - Zuko, Sokka, and Suki - had been at Suki’s house, watching the Christmas Shrek special because Zuko and Sokka had very unwisely decided to let Suki have full control of the remote. _Technically_ , Zuko is pretty sure he was third wheeling on a date, but neither Suki nor Sokka would outright say that.

Zuko had just been sitting quietly, watching Donkey tell everyone his version of _The Night Before Christmas_ , attention split between the actual movie (episode?) and Sokka’s ramblings. Somewhere around Shrek kicking everyone out of his house, Sokka’s fun facts about animation or whatever had dissolved into an argument between him and Suki during which Suki had said something along the lines of, “You think you’re _such_ a big Shrek fan, but even you’re too much of a coward to dress up as Shrek and wear the costume to school.”

In hindsight, Suki _definitely_ knew what she was doing. Because Sokka, never one to back down from a challenge, drug Zuko and Suki both to Goodwill as soon as _Shrek The Halls_ was over so they could piece together a Shrek cosplay. And Sokka had, in fact, worn it to school on the last day before Christmas break.

“I think it was a good look for you. Still upset you wouldn’t let Suki paint your face green, though.”

“Shut up,” Sokka says, voice muffled by the fact that his head is still in his hands. He spreads his fingers apart enough to peek through them at Zuko. “You’re the worst.”

Zuko raises an eyebrow. “Really? Because I’m pretty sure you’re smiling right now. I can hear it in your voice.” He reaches forward and pries Sokka’s hands from his face, proving that he is, in fact, smiling. “See?”

Sokka’s smile drops, though, when he catches Zuko’s eyes. Not into a frown, exactly - something different. His lips are parted slightly, and his eyes take to scanning Zuko’s face like he’s looking for something, though Zuko can’t imagine what that _something_ might be. They stay like that for a few moments, and Zuko realizes he still has Sokka’s hands in his, but he can’t bring himself to let go.

And then the moment snaps in half when Sokka blinks, shakes his head, and backs away. He mumbles something about being tired, then picks up the empty cup that had been holding Zuko’s tea. “You go get ready,” he says. “I’ll, uh…” he glances around, “turn the TV off and stuff.”

Zuko tries not to let his body fill with disappointment and something almost like yearning as he slinks into his bedroom to change. What is there to even be disappointed about? Why does Zuko feel like he missed out on something, like he lost a chance for… _something_ that he can’t quite grasp onto? He doesn’t have a good answer, and yet disappointment continues to slither through his body and twist his stomach into a painful knot that he can’t explain the meaning behind.

* * *

**zuko** _@bluespirit_

To address the questions - Yes, I am gay. No, Jet and I are not together; those pictures were from two years ago. No, I will not be speaking on it further.

**ty lee !!** _@tinytylee_

_replying to @bluespirit_

i’m proud of you!! sending lots of love!!

**zuko** _@bluespirit_

_replying to @tinytylee_

<3

**alex** _@alex184829_

_replying to @bluespirit_

so wtf was you dating mai? a coward’s move to hide in the closet?

**suki** _@warriorsuki_

_replying to @bluespirit and @alex184829_

people are allowed to question their sexuality, my pal

**mai** _@knifewife_

_replying to @bluespirit and @alex184829_

it’s called not realizing you’re gay because you grew up with homophobic parents

* * *

Zuko isn’t sure if everyone’s eyes are actually on him or if he’s imagining it as he and Sokka step into the Jasmine Dragon. Jin, who is wiping down the counter, smiles and waves at them. “Iroh’s in the back,” she tells him. “Assuming you’re here for him?”

Zuko nods. “Thank you.” Sokka takes a seat at the counter and strikes up a conversation with Jin about how her classes are going while Zuko makes his way into the back room. Uncle is doing paperwork, but as soon as he sees Zuko, he pushes it all to the side and invites him to sit down.

“How are you holding up, Nephew?”

Zuko shrugs. He watches Uncle pour a cup of tea and set it down in front of Zuko. Zuko’s hardly eaten anything all day (Sokka managed to convince him to eat some popcorn at one point this morning), but he still just eyes the cup, trying to figure out if he can stomach tea right now.

“Did you know?” Zuko finally asks.

Uncle folds his hands on the table. “I had my speculations,” he admits. “But I didn’t want to pressure you into talking until you were ready. This should not have happened, to you or anyone else.”

Zuko isn’t surprised by Uncle’s response. He’s always been perceptive, picking up on things most people wouldn’t take the time to think twice about. Zuko can’t begin to count the number of times Uncle has made what sounds like a baseless accusation and ended up being completely correct.

“Zuko, please understand that this does not change how I see you. I love you for who you are and anyone who doesn’t does not deserve to have you in their life.”

No one deserves to have Zuko in their life - not because of how good he is, but because destruction is in his blood. Then again, destruction is in Uncle’s blood too, and he’s running a tea shop, so maybe Zuko has a chance to be a decent person.

It’s different for him, though - destruction isn’t _just_ in his blood. It’s seared across half his face. He wakes every day with a reminder of just how terrible his father is burned into his skin.

“Has my brother spoken to you?”

Zuko nods - or at least, he thinks he nods. He’s pretty sure his eyes are glazed over and he can feel himself zoning out. “He didn’t like what I told him. He’s probably planning revenge as we speak.”

As if on cue, Zuko’s phone goes off. He pulls it out and stares down at the screen, his brain refusing to comprehend what he sees.

**_Azula_ **

_Message sent with invisible ink._

Since when did Azula play around with message effects? Zuko only knows how they work because Sokka had gone through a phase where he sent everything with the _echo_ effect, much to the annoyance of all of his friends. Azula isn’t one to mess around like that, and definitely not with _Zuko_ of all people.

“What’s troubling you?” Uncle asks as Zuko unlocks his phone.

“Azula.”

Zuko swipes his finger across the message to reveal what it says: _Don’t think dad knows how invisible ink works - deleting this in two minutes. Go read my last texts. Home bound in two weeks for campaign stuff. Tonight, i’m supposed to call dad, hope you’ve talked with him by now._

Zuko screenshots the message so he can keep studying it after Azula deletes it, but he isn’t sure what good it will do. Something’s up with her - clearly. She’s never this sporadic in her conversations, seeming to connect topics that don’t correlate. And to top it all off, she’s going to be back in the country for the first time in years in _two weeks_.

Is Ozai going to use her to get to Zuko?

He must realize Zuko cares about her despite everything if he keeps using her to get Zuko to call him, but that’s only ever been through texts, and it’s almost always worked. So there’s no reason for Ozai to send Azula after Zuko in person, and why wait two weeks? Ozai could have Azula flying to New York _now_ if he wanted.

There must be some bigger game going on here. Zuko only wishes he knew what it was.

“What about your sister is troubling?” Uncle’s voice pulls Zuko out of his thoughts.

“She’s been sending me weird texts. I think there’s some other meaning behind them, but I don’t know how to decipher it.” Zuko sighs. “She always goes all out - if I want to find out what she means, I’ll probably have to go on some sort of scavenger hunt across the state or something. She’s too smart to make it _easy_.”

The mantra Zuko taught himself years ago echoes through his mind: _AZULA ALWAYS LIES_. But she isn’t lying, really, because Zuko doesn’t even know what her words _actually mean_. Maybe she is lying.

And maybe she isn’t.

But it doesn’t _matter_ whether she’s lying or not if Zuko can’t figure out what’s written between the lines - if he can’t do anything but take her words as they are.

A loud exclamation of, “ _WHAT?!_ ” sounds from out in the lobby and Zuko starts. It takes him only a moment to register that it’s Sokka’s voice, and a moment after that realization for him to push himself to his feet and go see what’s wrong. He doesn’t even wait to see if Uncle will follow him.

“That-- that--” he says something in Inuktitut. “Spirits, I wish I could just wring his neck!” Sokka slams his phone down on the counter and mutters what Zuko can only assume are more harsh words under his breath.

“What happened?” Zuko asks, looking between Sokka and Jin. Jin looks just as taken aback as Zuko.

“For legal reasons this is a joke, but I swear to Tui and La I am about four seconds away from killing him,” Sokka grumbles, like that answers anything.

“What happened?” Zuko repeats.

Sokka, still steaming, picks his phone back up and hands it over to Zuko. A news article is pulled up.

_Ozai Sozin on Son's Fling with Jet Deol_.

Well. This isn’t going to be good.

Zuko skims through the page until he finds the part where they actually quote Ozai.

> _“Teenagers experiment, and young adults confuse themselves. Zuko is fooling himself and everyone else, expecting the world to believe a secret fling from two years ago meant more to him than a six month relationship he made public. He is not gay; he is trying to fit in with today’s trends.”_

Ah. Zuko has read all he needs to. He hands the phone back over to Sokka and tries to ignore the growing headache behind his eyes. He slides into one of the chairs at the counter and pinches the bridge of his nose.

So this is the game his father is playing - calling Zuko a liar and a faker. It’s not the angle Zuko had expected - he’d expected more private threats from Ozai before he said anything publicly. And it’s his word against Zuko’s when Zuko’s word is backed up by very clear pictures of him kissing another man.

“Can I see?” Jin asks.

Sokka nods and hands his phone over to her. Her eyes flick across the screen for several minutes before she gasps and the hand not holding the phone comes to cover her mouth. Her eyes are wide.

“What?” Zuko and Sokka ask in unison.

“Nothing!” Jin shakes her head, her expression quickly returning to one of disinterest. “It’s just-- I can’t believe he’d say something like that, you know? He… seems pretty set on his kids being perfect to the public eye, even though everyone already knows you don’t support him and have hardly any contact with him.”

“He’s _obsessed_ with how he looks through the public eye,” Zuko says. “It’s why he hasn’t made it public that he disowned me. Honestly, I figured that was what he was going to say - that he’d disowned me back when I was sixteen, or he was disowning me because I came out. I hadn’t expected him to full-on lie.” Zuko frowns. “It was a sloppy move on his part. The media must have been pressuring him for answers.” He glances around the shop - it’s mostly empty right now. He lowers his voice anyways when he speaks to Sokka. “Azula texted again.”

“She did?”

“Yeah. She sent a message with the invisible ink effect. I didn’t even know she knew how to do that. And she said she was going to delete it a couple minutes after she sent it. It was the same kind of weird as the other texts she sent - the sentences didn’t really connect to each other? Which is really unlike Azula. Her brain doesn’t work like that.” Zuko pulls the conversation with Azula up on his phone. She’s deleted the message, just like she said she would, and sent another one through in its place: _Oops! Accidentally sent my text with invisible ink. Just wanted to let you know I’m coming home in two weeks to help with campaign stuff._

Zuko responds with: _Got it_ , hoping Azula understands what he means.

Jin leans forward. “Want help deciphering?”

Zuko isn’t sure if Jin will really be able to decipher Azula’s code, but he nods anyway. He brings up the screenshot he took. “This is the most recent message.” He hands the phone over to Jin.

She reads it over, a frown forming on her face. She brings the phone closer to her face, like she’s trying to read some sort of tiny writing Azula left in her texts. Maybe she is.

Her eyes widen suddenly and she shouts, “He’s reading this!”

“Huh?”

“The first words of her last messages,” Jin explains. “He’s. Reading. This.” She flips the phone around so Zuko can see. Sure enough, The first words of Azula’s weird texts from this morning are _he’s reading this_.

“But that’s too easy.” It makes sense - Ozai is somehow reading all of Azula’s texts to Zuko. That would explain why she’d deleted and edited messages as well as the comment about Ozai likely not knowing how an invisible ink message works. But it’s way too easy for Azula.

“Zuko’s right,” Sokka agrees. “If I know one thing about Azula it’s that she’s way too smart to leave a code that easy to crack where Ozai can see and decipher it.”

Jin shakes her head. “That’s the thing - no one would catch on _because_ it’s too easy for Azula. If Ozai tries to figure out what she’s saying, he’ll miss the obvious.”

“Okay…” Zuko says hesitantly. He’s still not sure he’s buying into it, but this _is_ the only idea they’ve got at the moment. He takes his phone back from Jin. “So, if we follow the pattern of the first words forming a sentence…” Zuko reads the last message, “We get… don’t… go… _Oh_.”

“What is it?”

Zuko swallows. He looks up at Sokka, a sick feeling settling in his stomach. “Don’t go home tonight.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> as always you can find me on [tumblr](https://zukkaclawthorne.tumblr.com/) and [twitter](https://twitter.com/H0LL0WKAIDAM)


	3. my questions are countless

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> thank you so much for all your comments on the first two chapters! even if i haven't responded to your comment, i promise i read it and i am very grateful <3
> 
> chapter title from 'i'll die anyway' by girl in red

**_i reach for me, but i’m not there_ **

**_it’s so lonely, but who cares?_ **

_— i’ll die anyway, girl in red_

* * *

**_ZUKO_ **

Zuko is on borrowed time.

Okay, well, it’s not even noon, but still. For all he knows, Azula had old information and someone is on their way to literally kill him right now. Which is why he’s just throwing stuff into a bag, barely looking at what he’s doing. He doesn’t know _why_ Azula said not to go home, or if she was even telling the truth or just trying to scare him.

_Azula always lies_.

But if she wasn’t lying, Zuko needs to get out of here. And if she was lying (or they misinterpreted her code), oh well. Zuko is inconvenienced for the night and that’s it. Sokka had said it was better to be safe than sorry, and he was right. Zuko isn’t particularly fond of the idea of dying to further his father’s campaign, and he’s tired of his father getting away with hurting him.

So he’s going to choose to believe Azula is telling the truth for once, even though that concept is about as foreign as Azula risking herself to help Zuko.

_Azula always lies_. Azula’s biggest priority is herself.

It doesn’t make sense, on all accounts. None of Azula’s actions make sense, and that’s what sets Zuko most on edge. She always has a motivation, and that motivation always comes back to _her_. Risking Ozai’s wrath to warn Zuko doesn’t fit in the pattern that is Azula’s life. 

Unless she has something to gain.

_Azula always lies_.

Zuko shakes his thoughts away. He doesn’t need to think about Azula right now - he needs to think about what to pack since he’s having to flee his own home like a criminal. Funny, you’re told gay marriage being legalized solves everyone’s problems and creates equality, but it doesn’t. Because Zuko is still running like a coward from his homophobic father who also happens to be running for president, and there are probably a hundred thousand gay kids looking to him right now because they _get it_ and that’s somehow even worse than the fact that Zuko’s life is in danger.

A hundred thousand gay kids who’s parents are just as bad as Ozai, who could be in just as much danger as Zuko if something like this were to happen to them. A hundred thousand gay kids who are too young to vote and have to sit and watch a quarter of the country scream giddily about how they’re voting for someone who would rather his son be dead than gay.

Does Zuko owe it to them to stop running?

Not from whatever Azula’s warning him about - he’s getting the hell out of his apartment as fast as he can - but from Ozai, and from the election.

Zuko has only ever wanted to distance himself from Ozai to the point where no one even realizes they’re related. He wants to disappear, wants to never be recognized as _Senator Ozai’s son_ or _Presidential Candidate Ozai’s son_ in public again. He wants to be another nobody, another nameless face going about his day, same as everyone else. He never asked to be Ozai’s son. He never asked to have his sexuality used as a weapon in a presidential campaign. He never asked to be _someone_.

But he is. He _is_ Ozai’s son, he _is_ someone, and his sexuality _is_ being used as a weapon and clickbait and probably a topic of conversation at the next debate if Zuko’s luck continues as it is. He’s going to be brought up in any interview Ozai has for the next three months at least. He’s going to have people after him, asking him to respond to every word that comes out of Ozai’s mouth, asking him what it was like growing up closeted with someone like Ozai as his father, asking him to become a sob story or a beacon of hope or _whatever_.

And if he fades back into the shadows, a hundred thousand kids looking for someone they can draw hope from will see that it never goes away. That you can be twenty-four and disowned by your father, but you still can’t escape the black hole that was your childhood. That someone who treats you like Ozai treated Zuko can still manage to run for president and make it to the final four candidates _at least_ , and someone like Zuko is terrorized into hiding because his own father is still threatening his life and has enough power and influence and money to make sure he never faces consequences.

“Uh… are you okay?”

Zuko blinks. He looks up, only just realizing he’d frozen with his arm halfway to putting a shirt into his bag. Sokka is leaning on the doorframe, an amused look in his eyes.

Zuko drops the shirt in his bag. “Yeah. Just thinking.”

“You might want to save that for when we’re anywhere besides the one place you’re not supposed to be.”

“Oh, sorry. Let me just completely shut my thoughts off like you,” Zuko retorts, but there’s no fire in it, and Sokka knows that because he just laughs. Sokka laughs a lot, but it feels different when Zuko knows he’s the cause. Like sparks are flying through his lungs. It’s nice.

“Let me help you pack,” he offers, blue eyes twinkling in the fluorescent lights of Zuko’s apartment.

Zuko nods. “Okay.”

* * *

_Outgoing Call: Ozai Sozin_

_From: Azula Sozin_

_March 13, 2020 from 8:31 PM to 8:33 PM (GMT)_

_Begin Transcript_

**_Ozai:_** _I don’t have much time, Azula, what do you need?_

 ** _Azula:_** _Are you going to have me come home?_

 ** _Ozai:_** _You haven’t even been gone two months._

 ** _Azula:_** _I’ve learned my lesson._

 ** _Ozai:_** _Four years. That was the deal. You do your schooling in Europe, and you come back when it’s_ _done._

 ** _Azula:_** _It’s-- It’s getting bad, though - with the virus. I might not be able to come home to visit._

 ** _Ozai:_** _You brought this upon yourself, Azula. The deal was four years, and a virus isn’t going to change_ _that._

 ** _Azula:_** _I was supposed to come home for spring break. What if I can’t?_

 ** _Ozai:_** _You honestly think this won’t be cleared up by then?_

 ** _Azula:_** _I…_

 ** _Ozai:_** _You are_ _staying_ _._

 ** _Azula:_** _Yes, Father._

 ** _Ozai:_** _That’s what I like to hear._

_End Transcript_

* * *

_Outgoing Call: Ozai Sozin_

_From: Azula Sozin_

_March 15, 2020 from 10:01 PM to 10:03 PM (GMT)_

_Begin Transcript_

**_Ozai:_** _(sigh) What?_

 ** _Azula:_** _Is it bad there?_

 ** _Ozai:_** _Please be more specific. I don’t have time to ask questions._

 ** _Azula:_** _Just… Just in general. Are you going on lockdown?_

 ** _Ozai:_** _Azula, please. I know you didn’t call because you’re worried about me. What is it you want?_

 ** _Azula:_** _(pause) I want to come home._

 ** _Ozai:_** _No._

 ** _Azula:_** _But--_

 ** _Ozai:_** _No_ _. This is nonnegotiable. (pause) Now, if you’re done asking silly questions, I have_ _actual_ _work I_ _should be doing._

 ** _Azula:_** _Yes, Father. Goodbye._

_End Transcript_

* * *

_Incoming Call: Zuko Sozin_

_To: Azula Sozin_

_June 21, 2020 from 12:54 PM to 12:56 PM (BST)_

_Begin Transcript_

**_Azula:_** _What?_

 ** _Zuko:_** _Happy eighteenth birthday! I’m sorry we can’t celebrate in person._

 ** _Azula:_** _Whatever. It’s not like I have anyone to celebrate with besides_ _you_ _._

 ** _Zuko:_** _Still. We could bake cupcakes and put way too much frosting on them, like we did when we were_ _kids. (pause) I miss you._

 ** _Azula:_** _Don’t be a baby, Zuzu._

 ** _Zuko:_** _(sigh) Whatever. Anyways, I just wanted to say happy birthday, and to let you know Uncle says_ _happy birthday too._

 ** _Azula:_** _Ugh. Like I care what that old prune says. (pause) Is that all, or can I go now?_

 ** _Zuko:_** _(sigh) You can go. Bye, Azula._

 ** _Azula:_** _Whatever._

_End Transcript_

* * *

_Incoming Call: Ozai Sozin_

_To: Azula Sozin_

_June 22, 2020 from 2:33 PM to 2:33 PM (BST)_

_Begin Transcript_

**_Azula:_** _Hello, Father!_

 ** _Ozai:_** _Tell Zuko to call me._

 ** _Azula:_** _(pause) Oh. Okay._

_End Transcript_

* * *

_Outgoing Call: Ozai Sozin_

_From: Azula Sozin_

_June 30, 2020 from 9:17 PM to 9:20 PM (BST)_

_Begin Transcript_

**_Ozai:_** _Hello._

 ** _Azula:_** _Hello, Father._

 ** _Ozai:_** _Do you need something?_

 ** _Azula:_** _Am I going to be able to come home over the summer? You said we could push the trip that was_ _supposed to be for spring break back to late July or early August_

 ** _Ozai:_** _Don’t get your hopes up. I’m extremely busy right now, and I likely will be for the rest of the_ _summer._

 ** _Azula:_** _I won’t get in your way._

 ** _Ozai:_** _Azula, we are not discussing this right now. I will let you know in a few weeks whether you will be_ _able to come home or not._

 ** _Azula:_** _Yes, Father._

_End Transcript_

* * *

_Incoming Call: Ozai Sozin_

_To: Azula Sozin_

_July 6, 2020 from 11:12 PM to 11:13 PM (BST)_

_Begin Transcript_

**_Azula:_** _Hello, Father!_

 ** _Ozai:_** _Unfortunately, it looks like your trip will have to be postponed once again. I look forward to_ _seeing you home for Thanksgiving._

 ** _Azula:_** _Oh. (pause) I look forward to seeing you then, too._

_End Transcript_

* * *

**_AZULA_ **

Azula stares down at the text from Zuko. _Got it_. She can only hope that means he was able to read her message before he deleted it, and was able to figure out what she meant.

Zuko might have been careless when he decided to make out with some actor where anyone could see them, but Azula had been careless too. For the second time in her life, she hadn’t stopped to consider the risks before she acted. She’d sent Zuko two honest texts, because she was hoping her father would be distracted by reporters and trying to get a hold of Zuko and doing media management or whatever he needed to in a situation like this.

It had taken less than thirty minutes for a text from her father to come through: _You are on thin ice, Azula. Do not talk to your brother like that or I will make sure you regret it._

Azula had cursed herself for being so careless. It wasn’t a secret that her father could see every single thing Azula did on her phone and laptop - that had been part of the deal. For four years, her father had monitored every message, every phone call, every email, every time Azula turned her phone on. And she’d foolishly believed he’d turn a blind eye to her phone after Zuko had just been outed.

It was the second mistake Azula had made, but her mistakes always have disastrous consequences. She needed to be more careful, needed to make it seem like she was on her father’s side and was disgusted by Zuko’s actions instead of sympathetic towards him.

A complex code would be too easy. That’s what her father would be looking for, and that’s what Zuko would not be able to decipher. Zuko wasn’t _dumb_ , but he wasn’t near as smart as Azula. Azula could think up a code her father would find uncrackable, but Zuko would be even more lost.

So she’d settled for the easiest code she could think of - the first word of every sentence.

_He’s reading this._

_Don’t go home tonight._

Azula desperately hoped he understood.

Zuko had apparently called their father after Azula told him to, which meant Azula got the credit for the phone call, which meant their father let it slip that Zuko was going to pay.

“How so?” Azula had asked, voice malicious, like she was excited to hear what her father had in store.

“The details are under wraps,” her father had said, “but I hope he locks his door at night.”

_Don’t go home tonight._

Her lab partner had taught Azula about the effects she could put on texts, and the invisible ink one had been Azula’s favorite - because you needed to actually know how to read it. She kept the knowledge of it locked up, just in case. Just in case she needed to send something to someone with an extra layer of protection. She never used it, for fear of her father figuring out how it worked. He wasn’t the most apt with technology; he had people to do anything he needed for him.

But if he wasn’t right next to them, Azula could send a message with invisible ink, and delete it a few minutes later.

Truthfully, she hadn’t been planning to use it on Zuko.

But with her father’s words ringing through her mind ( _He will pay. I hope he locks his door at night._ ), Azula didn’t really have a choice. Besides, her other daydream was nothing but that - a daydream. She could never pull it off.

What she _could_ do was warn Zuko.

She debates sending another message, but that could raise too many red flags. The less she says to him, the better.

She’s already messed up once. She can’t risk it again. She doesn’t have anything left to bargain with in order to keep Zuko safe, short of her life in place of his. And their father wouldn’t accept even if Azula tried that. Because Azula is good and quiet and sits alone in her apartment in London and does whatever her father asks of her. Zuko is messy - secretly disowned at sixteen, taken in by Uncle Iroh, kissing actors on street corners and announcing his sexuality proudly to the world. Zuko’s damage is done, and he’s probably more useful dead at this point.

So no, Azula doesn’t have anything left to give, but she has _everything_ to lose. Which is why she just stares at Zuko’s text and sends a silent prayer to Agni that he understands.

* * *

_1:09 PM_

**_Sokka:_ **

_on a scale of 1-10, how much do we trust Azula?_

**_Mai:_ **

_-3 at least_

**_Sokka:_ **

_yeah, that’s what i thought_

**_Sokka:_ **

_so how do you explain her warning Zuko not to go home tonight?_

**_Mai:_ **

_WHAT_

**_Mai:_ **

_she straight up told Zuko not to go home?_

**_Sokka:_ **

_not exactly - we think 0zai is reading her texts, and she’s trying to communicate using the first word of each sentence. which gave us the messages “he’s reading this” and “don’t go home tonight”_

**_Mai:_ **

_that doesn’t sound good_

**_Mai:_ **

_but Azula doesn’t do things for Zuko’s good_

**_Sokka:_ **

_i know_

**_Sokka:_ **

_do you think she’s purposefully trying to lure him away from his house?_

**_Mai:_ **

_where is Zuko staying tonight??_

**_Sokka:_ **

_probably with Iroh. if not, then with me_

**_Mai:_ **

_you don’t think they’re planning on zuko running to iroh to like.. get them both or something, do you?_

**_Sokka:_ **

_spirits_

**_Sokka:_ **

_you could be right_

**_Sokka:_ **

_Mai, what do we do?_

**_Sokka:_ **

_Zuko’s life could be in danger and we don’t know who we can and can’t trust or where he’ll be safe_

**_Sokka:_ **

_MAI_

**_Mai:_ **

_CALM DOWN_

**_Mai:_ **

_you panicking will be the opposite of helpful._

**_Mai:_ **

_are you still with Zuko?_

**_Sokka:_ **

_yes_

**_Mai:_ **

_where are you?_

**_Sokka:_ **

_my car, jasmine dragon parking lot_

**_Mai:_ **

_you two come to my place, and we’ll talk. don’t say anything to Iroh right now, and DON’T mention this conversation to Zuko._

**_Sokka:_ **

_will do_

* * *

**_MAI_ **

It isn’t long before Zuko and Sokka arrive. Ty Lee cartwheels out from her bedroom. “Hi!”

“Isn’t this supposed to be a secret meeting?” Zuko crosses his arms and eyes Ty Lee, who is currently doing a handstand across from the two boys.

“If you get a plus one, so do I,” Mai states. “Besides. She lives here too. I can’t kick her out.”

Zuko grumbles something under his breath before dragging Sokka over to the couch and very nearly pulling Sokka down on top of him. Ty Lee gracefully flips herself back onto her feet and bounces over to Mai. “So what, exactly, is going on here?”

Isn’t that the question of the hour? _What, exactly, is going on here?_

“We don’t know,” Sokka answers. “Ozai might’ve hired an assassin, Azula might be trying to protect Zuko, I might fly to California so I can take Ozai out myself--”

“ _Sokka_...”

“ _Zuko_.”

“Would Ozai really hire an assassin?” Ty Lee interrupts. “That seems like a little… _much_ , even for Ozai.”

“Dunno.” Mai looks down at her fingernails. “Mourning his son despite the fact that he just came out as gay would earn him sympathy points.” It’s messed up, but it’s true. If Ozai were to have Zuko killed, then make a show of mourning him, he’d not only “prove” he isn’t violently homophobic, but also be able to say something along the lines of _‘This is what being gay does to your kids’_. Mai has half a mind to hop on the next plane to California with Sokka and help him out.

Zuko nods. “Besides, we’re pretty sure he had my grandfather killed back when he first ran for Senate, and those sympathy points were what won him the election. If he could do that, there’s no way he’d feel any remorse for having me killed. The only family member he _might_ even hesitate with is Azula, and that’s only because she’s useful to him.”

Mai’s chest tightens at the thought. A long time ago, she and Azula and Ty Lee were friends. But something had snapped inside of Azula at one point or another and she’d gone from _slightly bossy leader of the friend group_ to _carbon copy of Ozai_. Mai hated Ozai for that just as much as she hated him for what he did to Zuko. It was a different kind of abuse tactic he used on Azula, but she was just as much a victim as Zuko.

There had been a few months where Mai thought Azula might be getting better - going back to her old self or even growing beyond the pawn Ozai had always intended to turn her into. Azula had graduated a year early with Ty Lee’s class, the year after Mai, and her father had gotten her an internship, which had been more than concerning at first. But Azula seemed to thrive in the environment. She’d been half homeschooled since Zuko was kicked out, so Mai guessed it had something to do with the fact that she wasn’t stuck in a house with only Ozai and her tutors for company anymore. The internship was in New York City, nearly four hours from Ozai and Washington, DC, and only an hour away from Mai, Ty Lee, Zuko, and Iroh.

Which, Mai supposes, is why Azula started meeting up with her uncle at the Jasmine Dragon in the first place. Iroh had mentioned something about Azula coming to him for guidance and confessing that she felt terrible for how she’d treated Ty Lee and Mai before they’d moved to New York for college and cut off all contact with her. Mai hadn’t _wanted_ to ghost Azula - she was sure Ty Lee hadn’t either - but they’d both gotten to the point where they felt like they had no other option. Staying in contact with Azula had been too detrimental to their mental and emotional wellbeing.

About six weeks into the semester - both Mai and Ty Lee’s first semester of college - Azula had reached out to them and asked to meet up at the Jasmine Dragon and she understood if they didn’t want to come, but she had some things she wanted to say in person. After speaking with Iroh, Mai and Ty Lee had decided to take Azula up on her offer, and it had been like meeting a new person. Azula apologized, asked them how they were doing, and seemed genuinely interested in what they had to say.

They didn’t meet up regularly, per se, but they got together at least every other week at the Jasmine Dragon until mid-December, when Mai and Ty Lee had gone back to DC for Christmas break. Azula only went home for a few days around Christmas and was stuck doing whatever Ozai asked of her for those days, so Mai and Ty Lee didn’t see her again until late January.

They met up once in January - a few days after Mai and Ty Lee had returned from Christmas break. A week after that, Ozai had shipped Azula off to England and Azula hadn’t offered any sort of explanation.

In March, the world shut down. Azula was stuck in England, Mai and Ty Lee were shipped back to their parents’ houses in DC, and Azula didn’t try to contact them. Whenever Mai tried to reach out, she was met with snarky comments or read receipts, so she eventually stopped trying and just let Azula go, since Azula had clearly let them go when she’d moved across the ocean.

“Why did Ozai send her to Europe?” Ty Lee asks, breaking Mai out of her thoughts. “Did either of them ever say?”

Zuko shakes his head. “As far as I know, her internship in New York City ended and Ozai sent her on some secret mission. They didn’t expect--” he hesitates, tilting his head, “Azula didn’t expect to get trapped there by a virus. I think-- I think she asked to come home, but Ozai told her no.”

“What?” Mai hears herself say, because with the way Azula had dropped all contact with her, the last thing she expected to hear was that Azula didn’t want to stay in Europe. Mai had figured she was thrilled when the virus trapped her there, away from everyone. She’d probably made a perfect little life for herself and that fact that no one - not Ozai, not Mai or Ty Lee, not Zuko or Iroh - could reach her would be more than ideal.

“She called me in March. I don’t remember exactly what she said, but I know she sounded… sad about not coming home for spring break. And she said something that made me think she’d tried to move her trip up, but Ozai had pushed it back instead.” Zuko sighs. “That was the last conversation she had with me where she sounded… _nice_. Everything since then has just been harsh and short. Until last night. Or, technically this morning.”

Mai frowns. There’s something they’re all missing with Azula - some motivator they don’t know about. And Mai has a strange feeling it has to do with the reason behind _why_ Ozai sent her to England four years ago. But they can’t contact her if all her electronics are being monitored by Ozai, and even if they could, there’s no reason to trust that she wouldn’t lie.

Still, there’s some missing piece, and it’s probably the key to figuring out whether Azula is trustworthy or not.

* * *

_Outgoing call: Zuko Sozin_

_From: Azula Sozin_

_March 15, 2020, 10:08 PM to 10:13 PM (GMT)_

_Begin Transcript_

**_Zuko:_** _Azula? Are you okay?_

 ** _Azula:_** _I don’t think I’m coming home for spring break._

 ** _Zuko:_** _That’s still a few weeks away. Things could get better by then._

 ** _Azula:_** _No, Zuko, you don’t get it. It’s not near as bad there yet, but I think it will get there. You guys_ _aren’t doing enough. (pause) No one is._

 ** _Zuko:_** _Maybe for your birthday, then?_

 ** _Azula:_** _Maybe. (pause) I wish I could come home sooner, but Father-- (pause) (sigh) I_ _don’t_ _miss you. But_ _I don’t want to get stuck here._

 ** _Zuko:_** _It won’t be forever. We’ll see each other again. (pause) You know, you could always FaceTime me_ _if you’re feeling lonely._

 ** _Azula:_** _(laughs) As if. (pause) Thanks for the offer._

 ** _Zuko:_** _No problem. It’s not like I have much else going on right now._

 ** _Azula:_** _You and your friends aren’t planning out parties for every day of your break?_

 ** _Zuko:_** _We’re supposed to stay inside. Although, Sokka’s birthday is next week and since everyone is back_ _in town, we might have a little get together. Depends on how things change between now and_ _then._

 ** _Azula:_** _I’ll pretend I remember who Sokka is._

 ** _Zuko:_** _(pause) Did you ask to come home?_

 ** _Azula:_** _Oh. (pause) Well. (pause) It’s not really a big deal. I’m fine here. I was just looking forward to_ _spending my break someplace where the sun actually comes out every once in a while._

 ** _Zuko:_** _Well, I’m sure you’ll be able to come home soon. And when you do, you can always come visit_ _Uncle and I at the Jasmine Dragon._

 ** _Azula:_** _I’ll consider it. (pause) Bye, Zuko._

 ** _Zuko:_** _Oh. Um. Bye, Azula._

_End Transcript_

* * *

_Incoming call: Ozai Sozin_

_To: Azula Sozin_

_March 15, 2020, 10:22 PM to 10:23 PM (GMT)_

_Begin Transcript_

**_Azula:_** _Hello, Father._

 ** _Ozai:_** _I just wanted to remind you that I can track your every movement, and if you try leaving your_ _apartment to visit my treacherous brother and his tea shop, I will know._

 ** _Azula:_** _I know. I wouldn’t even consider it._

 ** _Ozai:_** _Oh?_

 ** _Azula:_** _Father, I understand the terms of our agreement. I lied to Zuko, because he can never know. I will_ _not go back to the Jasmine Dragon no matter when I am able to return home. I promise._

 ** _Ozai:_** _You will not call Zuko again, understand?_

 ** _Azula:_** _Yes, Father._

_End Transcript._


	4. i think that it's best if we both stay

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> if this chapter is mostly just self indulgent zukka hurt/comfort, no it isn't <3
> 
> chapter title from 'stay stay stay' by taylor swift

**_you took the time to memorize me_ **

**_my fears, my hopes, my dreams_ **

_— stay stay stay, taylor swift_

* * *

**_ZUKO_ **

As Sokka drives the four of them to the Jasmine Dragon, Zuko makes a mental list of things he is absolutely certain of, just to remind himself how little they actually know.

  1. Someone leaked the pictures of Zuko and Jet that Zuko was sure he’d erased all traces of, thus outing Zuko to the world.
  2. Zuko has posted a Tweet confirming he is gay.
  3. Ozai is pissed.
  4. Ozai said Zuko isn’t gay; he’s just trying to fit in.
  5. The circumstances under which Azula was actually sent to England are unknown.
  6. Zuko is not going to be spending tonight in his apartment, because if Jin’s decryption was correct, Azula had warned Zuko not to go home and also alerted him that Ozai is reading her texts.
  7. He, Sokka, Mai, and Ty Lee are heading back to the Jasmine Dragon because if Ozai told Azula to warn Zuko, that means Uncle is likely to be targeted just as much as Zuko is.
  8. For the first time in years, Zuko wishes he could talk to Azula in person.



Zuko is switching between wringing his hands nervously, flicking the ringer on his phone on and off, and drumming his fingers against his seatbelt, but nothing is helping ease the nervous energy bubbling up inside of him. He knows Uncle is safe right now - Ozai wouldn’t be stupid enough to send someone after him in the middle of the afternoon when the shop is full - but the idea that Uncle could be in danger because of _Zuko_ doesn’t make him feel very good.

If something happens and Uncle gets hurt, it’ll be all Zuko’s fault.

Then again, they don’t know _why_ Azula said not to go home. They sort of just jumped to the assassin conclusion because of Azulon. Maybe Ozai is just planning on showing up to have a _nice little chat_ with Zuko and convince him to go back in the closet. Maybe Ozai is sending someone to just hack into Zuko’s phone and Tweet that he’d not actually gay while he’s asleep (though that one could probably be achieved remotely). Maybe Ozai just wants to burn the other half of Zuko’s face for good measure now that he’s publicly come out.

“Zuko.” One of Sokka’s hands comes to rest on Zuko’s leg, and suddenly Zuko is very good at staying very still. “Everything’s going to be fine, okay? We’re not going to let anyone hurt you or Iroh.” He lets his eyes flick over to Zuko for a split second before looking back to the road. “I promise.”

And then his hand is gone and Zuko’s leg is cold. Zuko barely mumbles out a thanks because his brain is still short-circuiting from Sokka’s touch. Maybe he’s more touch-starved than he realized.

The part of Zuko’s brain that remembers the past eight months of not having a single friend to fall back on besides Sokka helpfully suggests that this was a fluke and he’s never going to feel a gentle touch like that from Sokka (or anyone else for that matter) again. Zuko tells it to shut up. He doesn’t need to have a breakdown because he can’t handle his friend _touching his leg_ right now; he has far more important things to worry about. Like oh, I don’t know, _staying alive_?

Zuko is losing his grip on sanity is what’s happening. Who would have guessed that being outed turned your mentality to that of a woman creeping around her bedroom, picking at the yellow wallpaper?[1]

* * *

When they arrive back at the Jasmine Dragon, Jin is on break and Uncle is behind the counter taking orders and making tea. Jin raises an eyebrow, silently asking why they’re back, and Ty Lee cartwheels over to her while Mai ushers Zuko and Sokka towards the counter. As they wait, Zuko crosses his arms across his chest and digs his fingers into his upper arms until Sokka catches him and all but pries his fingers away.

“Don’t do that,” he whispers.

Zuko narrows his eyes. “I’m wearing a jacket; it’s not like I’m hurting myself.”

“And what about when this habit carries through to summer when you’re wearing short sleeves and digging your fingernails into your bare arms?” Sokka challenges. He’s _right_ , but Zuko is pretty sure he’s a few years too late to break any of Zuko’s anxious habits, even the ones that are less than ideal for his arms. When Zuko doesn’t answer, Sokka says, “Yeah. That’s what I thought.”

Zuko opens his mouth to respond, but Uncle chooses that moment to address their little group. “Is everything alright? You rushed out rather quickly earlier, Zuko.”

Mai clamps her hand over Zuko’s mouth before he can answer. She looks around, then lowers her voice. “We need to talk in the back once Jin’s break is over. And you and Zuko need to leave your phones out here. I’m not risking anything.”

Zuko pulls Mai’s hand off of his face. “Why _my_ phone? How could it be bugged?”

Mai shrugs. “It’s probably not. But like I said - we’re not taking any chances.”

It’s easiest to not argue with Mai, so Zuko leaves his phone on the counter next to Uncle's (which he had to go retrieve from the back room, because apparently he doesn’t keep it in his pocket at all times). Uncle leads them up to his apartment above the Jasmine Dragon to talk after Jin assures him she’ll be fine and Ty Lee volunteers to stay back and help her if she needs it.

Something in Mai’s face makes Zuko think she wants to argue with Ty Lee, but she doesn’t. She double checks the lock on the door before sitting on the couch with Zuko and Sokka while Uncle sits in his arm chair that is probably older than Zuko himself.

“Should I be worried?” Uncle asks, gaze moving from Mai to Zuko to Sokka and back again.

“Mai is being a _little_ paranoid--” Zuko starts. Both Mai and Sokka interrupt him with noises of protest. “I just said a little!” Zuko defends himself. But Mai has clearly decided he’s done talking for now because she shoots him her signature _Stop Talking Before I Make You_ stare, which promptly shuts Zuko up.

“Azula is sending cryptic texts to Zuko,” Mai starts. “We’ve come to the conclusion that Ozai is reading her texts - which, in hindsight, is really not surprising at all - and she’s warned Zuko not to go back to his apartment tonight.” Mai explains everything to Uncle in her typical bored tone, which somehow makes the fact that there could be a literal assassin coming for Zuko’s head sound underwhelming. It might be helpful in preventing Uncle from overreacting, though.

Then again, is there really anything that could be classified as ‘overreacting’ if someone tells you your brother is trying to kill his son?

Mai ends her spiel with, “Which means, if Azula was told to warn Zuko, someone is probably heading _here_ tonight, which means you could be in danger as well.” And Uncle, for some reason, has the audacity to look surprised and almost offended at that suggestion.

“Ozai will not hurt me.” Uncle sounds very sure of himself considering he told Zuko to his face he believed Ozai had Azulon killed.

“With all due respect,” Sokka speaks up, “how can we be sure? Ozai has been known to show… lethal hostility towards family members.” Zuko pretends he doesn’t feel Sokka glance at his scar. “If-- If he can hurt Zuko… what’s to stop him from hurting you? Even if… even if it’s just to hurt Zuko indirectly.”

Zuko hadn’t thought about it like that. Ozai never liked his brother, so him supporting Zuko would be reason enough to want him out of the way. But Zuko is still the person Ozai is most upset with right now, and if Zuko lost Uncle...

_No_. Zuko doesn’t want to think about it.

“My brother and I came to an agreement,” Uncle explains. “He knows that hurting me will only hurt him in the long run. I do believe Azula is genuinely warning you, though I am not sure she is warning you about an assassin. Do not jump to harsh conclusions; you will numb yourselves with worry and be unable to tell the small threats from the big ones.”

Zuko, Mai, and Sokka all stare blankly at Uncle for a few moments before Zuko can’t take it anymore and speaks, despite the fact that Mai’s glare clearly told him to stay quiet. “How are you so sure Ozai won’t hurt you because of some deal you made? You told me yourself you’re sure he had Grandfather killed!”

“Zuko--”

“ _No_.” Zuko can feel himself getting angrier than he’s gotten in a long time, but he can’t help it. The stress of the past twenty-four hours in crashing down on him. “I can’t lose you, okay? And I know it’s selfish, but I can’t be the reason you die! Because if you get hurt tonight, it’s all _my_ fault.”

Zuko sees Sokka move out of the corner of his eye, and then he feels Sokka’s hand on his shoulder. It takes everything in him not to flinch away on instinct. “Zuko,” he says, and something about his tone _breaks_ Zuko. He turns and buries his head in Sokka’s shoulder, unable to stop his tears. He feels Mai stand up and hears her and Uncle move into the kitchen, which Zuko is grateful for. He already feels bad enough crying in front of Sokka twice in the same day.

Sokka doesn’t say anything. He just rubs Zuko’s back and lets him cry.

When the tears subside and Zuko tries to apologize, Sokka whispers, “Hey, no. Don’t. You’re allowed to cry, okay? You have had one of the worst days possible. You’re allowed to cry.”

Zuko sniffles. He wipes at his good eye with his sleeve. Sokka reaches for the box of tissues on the side table. “Can I…?” He asks, raising a tissue up towards Zuko’s face. Zuko just nods, unable to form a coherent verbal response at the moment.

Sokka gently dabs at the tears trickling down the scarred side of Zuko’s face. His eyes are watery and this close, Zuko can see how blue they are - a brilliant shade that looks like the sky in fall, when the air is crisp and there are no clouds in sight, and the morning breeze smells like high school. Zuko can see Sokka’s freckles too, and there are more than he thought. Most of them are too light to see from far away, but this close, Zuko can see every detail of Sokka’s face. He wishes they could stay like this for a while longer - Zuko can study the ins and outs of Sokka, trace his fingers over his jawline, lean in and--

OKAY. _Nope_. Not going there. Zuko is definitely _way_ more touch-starved than he realized. He has learned his lesson about shutting all his friends out, and Agni can very kindly stop punishing him for it now, thank you.

Sokka’s hand retreats and he leans back, but he’s still looking at Zuko with that same watery, gooey, expression that Zuko doesn’t know the meaning of. “There,” he says. “All better.”

Zuko swallows, pushing _whatever that was_ down and firmly deciding to pretend it never happened.

* * *

**jet deol** 🗸 _@officialjetdeol_

It’s come to my attention that someone leaked pictures of Zuko & I from when we were dating two years ago. I don’t know who did this (as far as I was aware, those pictures were completely erased) but please understand that this is not okay. (1/2)

**jet deol** 🗸 _@officialjetdeol_

_replying to @officialjetdeol_

There was a reason we didn’t make our relationship public. Outing people is dangerous.  
I will not be answering any personal questions about Zuko or the relationship at this time. (2/2)

* * *

Mai and Uncle return from the kitchen with tea, because of course they do. Mai hands one cup to Zuko and one to Sokka, before she looks at them both and sighs. “Azula isn’t trying to lure you here under Ozai’s influence. Iroh is right - Ozai won’t target him.” She pinches the bridge of her nose. “It’s too much to explain right now, but just trust me. Zuko, you’ll be safe to stay here tonight, and Iroh said he’s okay with you staying as long as you need.”

“I’m _sorry_?” Sokka demands before Zuko can decide how much he actually trusts Mai. “We’re still talking about the same Ozai who probably killed his own father, right? I don’t care how sure Iroh is Ozai won’t hurt him - I don’t want Zuko in danger.”

“Stay here with him, then,” Mai spits out, but there’s something other than malice edging her voice. “I don’t care if you trust me or not, but you should know to trust Iroh. I can’t remember a single time he’s misjudged someone.”

Sokka sets his teacup down on the side table slowly, and then rises to his feet. Zuko sips on his own tea to prevent himself from saying anything that would make this situation worse. Across the room, Uncle appears to be doing the same. Mai and Sokka are both headstrong and stubborn - sometimes, it’s best not to intervene.

“Mai.” Sokka closes his eyes and takes a deep breath. When he opens his eyes, his gaze flits down to Zuko and his face softens. “Fine,” he says. “I’ll stay.”

“I only have one guest room,” Uncle speaks up, because for some reason, _that’s_ the most important piece of information he can add to this conversation. Zuko loves Uncle - he really does - but he can have a very roundabout way of being helpful, and now is not the time for guessing games or dwelling on proverbs.

Mai shoots Sokka a smirk, checks her phone, then announces she’s going back down to talk to Ty Lee and Jin. Zuko sinks back into the couch, clutching his mug, watching Sokka’s face flicker through several different expressions, each one fading into the next before Zuko can interpret any of them. Finally, he settles on something neutral and plops back down on the couch next to Zuko.

Uncle makes himself scarce, following Mai back down to the shop after telling Sokka he’s welcome to stay if he wants, but there’s no pressure one way or the other. Once the door shuts behind Uncle, Sokka picks up his cup and takes a slow sip of his tea.

“I’m sorry,” he says after a few moments. “I shouldn’t have gotten upset. It’s just-- _Spirits_. This whole situation is so messed up, and I don’t…” Sokka sighs. He turns to face Zuko. “I don’t want to see you get hurt, or-- or worse.”

“It’s fine,” Zuko assures him. He shifts so he’s sitting sideways on the couch, fully facing Sokka. “Mai is right - I can’t name a single time Uncle has misjudged someone, especially in such a dire situation - but I’m still having a little trouble trusting his judgment too.”

Sokka smiles. “I don’t have to stay if you don’t want. I just needed to be overdramatic, I guess.”

Zuko hesitates. He doesn’t want Sokka to feel like he _has_ to stay - after all, if Uncle is wrong, that puts Sokka in danger too. And Sokka already used up one of his sick days on Zuko.

But Zuko _wants_ Sokka to stay. Having Sokka with him all day has been nice; Zuko _really_ likes spending time with Sokka, and it’s even better now that Zuko doesn’t feel like their entire friendship is depending on Zuko staying in the closet.

“Do you want to stay?” Is what Zuko finally decides to respond with. It pushes the decision back onto Sokka, which maybe isn’t the nicest thing Zuko could do, but how can Zuko be expected to decide what _Sokka_ does?

“I mean…” Sokka quiets. “I don’t know if I’ll be able to sleep in my own apartment tonight.” It’s hardly audible, but they’re sitting close enough that Zuko hears him perfectly fine. He must look confused, though, because Sokka quickly adds, “Just, you know, because I’m going to be afraid you’re here getting attacked while I’m too far away to do anything, and--”

“Stay,” Zuko cuts him off, surprised by his own boldness. “I think it’ll help us both.”

Sokka relaxes. “Yeah, okay. I’ll stay.”

* * *

_8:48 PM_

**_Maybe: Jet:_ **

_Hey Zuko, this is Jet. I don’t know if you’ll even see this because you might have blocked my number, but I just wanted to say I’m sorry those pictures got out. I know you went to extreme lengths to make sure they were deleted. I don’t know how they got leaked, but I promise I had nothing to do with it. I understand why you might not believe me, but I am being honest._

**_Maybe: Jet:_ **

_Anyways, I’d appreciate it if you could at least let me know you’ve read this and I really am sorry. I hope you’re doing okay and keeping yourself safe._

**_Zuko:_ **

_I believe it wasn’t you. If you wanted to leak the pictures, you would’ve done it two years ago._

**_Zuko:_ **

_Thanks for reaching out._

**_Maybe: Jet:_ **

_No problem. Let me know if you need anything._

* * *

**_SOKKA_ **

Mai’s words from this morning are still bouncing around Sokka’s head. (And was that really just _this morning_ , when Zuko had invited Mai over so he could come out to her, and she and Sokka had gotten into a heated argument about what was best for Zuko?) They’d been fighting over whether or not Zuko should call Ozai, whether or not Ozai would show up on Zuko’s doorstep if he didn’t, whether or not it was even their place to try to sway Zuko one way or another. And Sokka has no recollection of what he said to incite Mai’s response, but he thinks he probably deserved it.

_“You’re so in love with him that you can’t realize this is the_ real world _and you can’t protect him from every bad thing that’s going to happen.”_

The worst part is Mai had been absolutely right. Of course, Sokka had denied it and stormed out of the kitchen, back to the safety of Zuko, where she wouldn’t risk saying anything so blunt, but she was _right_.

Sokka is head over heels for Zuko, and he's pretty sure Zuko doesn't feel the same, which is _fine_ , but it makes this whole situation a bit more complicated. Because in the end, Sokka is just another friend who wants Zuko safe, same as Mai, same as Ty Lee, same as Jin, same as Katara and Aang and Toph and Suki. The only one with real _pull_ in the situation is Iroh, being Zuko’s uncle. And Sokka _knows_ he shouldn’t _want_ to control the situation, but _spirits_ does he just want to lock Zuko up somewhere safe and hire an assassin of his own to take out Ozai.

However, Sokka suddenly wishes he hadn’t been so desperate to make sure Zuko stay safe when he’s sitting cross-legged on the bed that used to be Zuko’s back when they were in high school and Zuko comes into the room in his Spider-Man pajama pants and a t-shirt he’s pretty sure is one Mai got for free from a college she applied to. His hair is down from its usual half-top knot. He smiles sleepily at Sokka, and all of Sokka’s thoughts are suddenly _Oh no why is he so cute_ and _Oh no I am so screwed_.

“You okay?” Zuko asks as he drops his dirty clothes in a heap next to his bag. “You’ve got that distracted look on your face.”

“Yep!” Sokka manages, his voice much higher than usual. “I’m gonna go change!” He grabs his own bag and darts to the bathroom. His pajamas are nowhere near as adorable as Zuko’s (really it’s just the Spider-Man pants that are cute, but _everything_ is cute on Zuko.) He throws his grey sweatpants and old t-shirt on quickly before looking at himself in the mirror.

“Get a grip,” he tells the man staring back at him. The man doesn’t look like he believes what Sokka is asking of him is even possible. “You’re here as a friend, and that’s it, and that’s _fine_.” Sokka stares at the reflection of his tortured expression for a few moments longer before he finishes getting ready for bed.

When he returns to Zuko’s old bedroom, which Iroh turned into a guest room after Zuko moved out, Zuko is sitting with his back against the headboard, frowning at his phone. Before Sokka can ask what’s wrong, he says, “Jet texted.”

Sokka’s stomach twists, but he does his best to ignore it. “What did he say?” Sokka only met Jet once, at some party he’d somehow managed to convince Zuko to go to, and the guy had spent the entire time idly chewing on a Capri Sun straw, which was weird, but not incriminating. Sokka hadn’t been a fan of him, but maybe that was just his jealousy and the fact that his crush on Zuko had been at a peak back then.

It’d eased off after that, and almost vanished once Zuko and Mai got together, but now Sokka is beginning to think maybe it just went dormant. Because it is definitely back in full swing now, and even the mention of Jet manages to fill Sokka with enough rage to smack that stupid straw out of his mouth for no good reason at all.

“He said he wanted me to know it wasn’t him who leaked the pictures, but he’s really sorry it happened. He posted something on Twitter too.”

Sokka smacks his fist against the open palm of his other hand. “But we don’t believe that!”

Zuko gives Sokka a disapproving look, and Sokka’s shoulders sag. Apparently they _do_ believe Jet, which is unfortunate, in Sokka’s humble opinion. “If he wanted to leak those pictures, why wait two years? The breakup was bad enough that he would’ve just leaked them then.”

“Oh.” It makes sense, Sokka supposes. But that means they have zero suspects, and Sokka would really like to have someone to direct his anger towards.

“You never did like Jet, did you?” Zuko asks.

Sokka shrugs sheepishly. What is he supposed to say? _I was really just jealous because I had a massive crush on you, and I’m still jealous now because even after all this time, I’m still very much in love with you_? Yeah, probably not the best idea.

Zuko sighs. “I should’ve listened to your intuition. Jet isn’t a _bad_ person by any means, but we… weren’t very good for each other.”

“Hey, it’s nothing to be ashamed of.” Sokka reaches over and squeezes Zuko’s shoulder. “Some people aren’t right for each other, and that’s okay. It just sucks that you guys were the ‘ _not right for each other_ ’ that ends in a bitter breakup instead of staying friends. And, once again, it happens. It sucks, but it happens.”

Zuko lets out a bitter laugh. “Maybe all my relationships are doomed to be unfortunate _‘it happens’_ stories.” He sets his phone down on the bed. “You’re lucky. You and Suki are still best friends.”

“I’m pretty sure you and Mai are still friends too,” Sokka points out, mostly to stop himself from saying he’s _not_ lucky because the guy he’s been in love with for years is sitting across from him, completely oblivious and completely not reciprocating those feelings.

“I guess. But I did shut her out for eight months after we broke up, which… isn’t something you should do to someone you said you still wanted to be friends with.”

“You were confused,” Sokka protests.

“That doesn’t really excuse it, though.”

Sokka knows arguing is pointless. _He_ doesn’t blame Zuko, but this isn’t his to forgive. “I guess what matters is that you’re trying _now_ ,” he tells Zuko. “In the end, you at least did _something_. You’re right; you can’t get back the past eight months. But you can make sure you don’t ever go another eight months not speaking to Mai.”

“I guess.” Zuko doesn’t really sound like he believes Sokka. He looks around the room. “I should’ve come out back in high school. I almost did, but I got scared. I remember, we were sitting on my bed and you were trying to convince me to watch the _Star Wars_ movies with you, and I almost said it. It would’ve been the wrong label, but still. If I’d come out back then, I wouldn’t have had the opportunity completely ripped away from me.”

Anger flares back up inside of Sokka. “You weren’t ready,” he says, “and that’s okay. You should’ve been able to come out whenever _you_ wanted. I hate that someone took that choice from you.” He knows Suki and Toph have already threatened to dismember whoever leaked the pictures, and Sokka is both ready and willing to join them (not that they’d need his help, but still). He can’t imagine what it must be like to have your sexuality not only put on display for the world to see, but also used as a hot topic of debate in the literal presidential election. It isn’t fair to Zuko.

“I know it doesn’t make sense, but…” Zuko’s voice trails off. He looks down at his hands. “I feel like I deserve this. I guess I’m aware that I don’t, but… something is still nagging in the back of my mind, telling me this is all my fault and I deserve it.”

“You don’t,” Sokka insists. “It’s probably just internalized homophobia talking, and trust me, I get that one. But you _don’t_ deserve bad things happening to you just because you’re gay, I promise. None of this is your fault.” Before he can stop himself, Sokka is leaning forward and taking Zuko’s hands into his. “We’re going to get through this together, okay?"

Zuko looks up at him, something akin to wonder passing through his dark brown eyes. He slips his hands from Sokka’s before leaning forward and pulling him into a hug. Sokka buries his head in the crook of Zuko’s neck, breathing in his scent. He squeezes his eyes shut and tries not to think about how, despite everything, Zuko is still unable to escape his father’s clutches and Sokka is still willing to give up everything for a love that is unrequited. He tries not to think about how unjust the world must be to subject them both to this endless cycle he’s not sure will ever break.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> [1] by Charlotte Perkins Gilman [x](https://www.nlm.nih.gov/exhibition/theliteratureofprescription/exhibitionAssets/digitalDocs/The-Yellow-Wall-Paper.pdf) [ ▲ ]
> 
> you can find me on [tumblr](https://zukkaclawthorne.tumblr.com/) and [twitter](https://twitter.com/H0LL0WKAIDAM)
> 
> (also don't mind me shamelessly spreading my The Yellow Wallpaper Is The Best Short Story Every Written propaganda) (don't uhhhhhh don't read it tho if your country is going back into lockdown and you don't handle isolation very well)


	5. i must be good for something

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i know it's tuesday but shhh i got home from college yesterday had a really bad headache literally from the time i got home to the time i fell asleep and couldn't edit the chapter. i still didn't really proofread it as well as i usually do bc my brain is FRIED but i wanted to post it today so please just ignore any mistakes
> 
> anyway chapter title is from sinners by barns courtney

**_down and out and out of luck_ **

**_we’re spinning, but the needle’s stuck_ **

_— sinners, barns courtney_

* * *

_Incoming call: Zhao Chen_

_To: Ozai Sozin_

_April 16, 2024, 7:32 PM to 7:34 PM (PDT)_

_Begin transcript:_

**_Ozai:_** _What is it?_

**_Zhao:_** _There’s been a… complication, I’m afraid. (pause) Zuko isn’t home._

**_Ozai:_** _You’re sure?_

**_Zhao:_** _Certain. When he didn’t answer the door, I used the key you gave me. I’ve looked through the_ _entire apartment. He isn’t here._

**_Ozai:_** _How… convenient._

**_Zhao:_** _What are you saying, sir?_

**_Ozai:_** _Your mission is still to talk to him, understood? I don’t care where or what it takes, but talk to him_ _until you find someone besides my wretched brother that he cares for deeply. Only then are you to_ _report back to me. Do not tell anyone of this._

**_Zhao:_** _Understood. Goodnight._

_End transcript._

* * *

**_ZUKO_ **

When Zuko was seventeen, Sokka invited him to the first sleepover he’d ever been invited to, nearly a year after Zuko had first moved in with Uncle. It was late March and they’d gone to see _Logan_ because Sokka was newly seventeen and didn’t need an adult to get into R-rated movies anymore, and Zuko was his only friend who was also seventeen. Suki wouldn’t turn seventeen until July, and everyone else was younger than that.

The movie ended well after eleven, so Sokka had asked Zuko if he wanted to just stay the night at his house and Zuko had just stared at him because he’d never been close enough friends with anyone for them to invite him over to his house. The only friendship he’d even seen was the one between his sister, Mai, and Ty Lee, and those two only ever came over to Zuko and Azula’s house to spend the night. Azula never spent the night at their houses. Sokka had said something like, “There’s no pressure, I can drop you off at your place if you’d prefer.”

Zuko had said, “No. I mean _yes_. I do want to stay at your house, I just… no one’s invited me over to their house before. I didn’t really have any friends before I moved.” Mai and Ty Lee had been friendly with him, but they were Azula’s friends, so Zuko couldn’t call them his friends. Even if Mai was in the same grade as him and he’d known her longer than Azula had.

Uncle had been thrilled when Zuko asked if he could spend the night at Sokka’s house and had barely even remembered to give him what was apparently the typical, _“If you want to come home at any point, just call me and I’ll pick you up”_ talk. Probably because he’d met Sokka and Katara and oftentimes, Zuko thought Uncle trusted them more than he trusted Zuko.

So after the movie had ended and Sokka had sat in the driver’s seat for thirty minutes, bouncing in place as he recounted every thought he’d had during the movie to Zuko, who was sitting in the passenger seat and happily taking in every word Sokka was saying, Sokka had driven them back to his house. They entered the house quietly in case Sokka’s family was already asleep, kicked off their shoes, and then Sokka had grabbed Zuko’s hand and drug him back to his bedroom.

They’d argued over whether or not one of them would sleep on the floor until Sokka had finally just pulled Zuko into his bed with him and said they could share. So they’d shared Sokka’s twin bed and when Zuko woke up as the sun rose, he found himself curled into Sokka’s side and Sokka had wrapped an arm around him, holding him close. For the first time since his mother’s death, Zuko had felt completely safe.

This morning is not dissimilar from that one, seven years ago, except that it’s Sokka curled into Zuko’s side this time, his head on Zuko’s chest and one arm across Zuko’s torso. Zuko had, at some point in the night, wrapped an arm around Sokka.

As Zuko blinks his eyes open, all he can think is that they’re back in high school and Sokka had spent the night and neither one of them had anything to worry about besides Pakku’s calc tests and whether or not Aang and Katara would admit they had feelings for each other.

Then Zuko registers how empty the walls are, and the fact that they’d been painted beige instead of off-white, and everything from yesterday comes crashing back down on him.

And yet, despite everything in Zuko’s brain screaming at him, insisting he should be scared out of his mind, his body is relaxed and all of his problems seem far away, like they exist on some other plane of reality where Zuko is alone in his apartment and not in this life, where Zuko is in a peaceful bubble of serenity with Sokka.

* * *

Zuko spends the morning in the back room of the Jasmine Dragon on his laptop, catching up on all of the work he didn’t do yesterday in favor of moping around, pointedly _not_ spending time in his apartment, and letting Sokka distract him from his thoughts via ramblings about whatever topic came to Sokka’s mind. Jin brings him a cup of tea shortly after he sets up his workspace, and she and Iroh both leave him on his own after that.

Zuko thinks maybe he’ll get lucky and today will follow this morning’s lead of being tranquil. Of course, he should have known better than to expect that. Zuko isn’t lucky enough to catch a break, especially not with… [vague gesture to _everything_ ].

Shortly after noon, Jin takes her lunch break and asks Zuko if he wants to go to the ramen place across the street with her. Zuko is ready to say no - he’ll just grab a pastry and another cup of tea to eat while he works - but then his stomach growls and Jin gives him a look that makes it clear she is no longer taking no as an answer. So Zuko begrudgingly shuts his laptop and follows Jin out of the Jasmine Dragon.

They don’t even make it up to order before Zuko immediately regrets everything. He should have just asked Jin to bring him something back. Because almost as soon as they walk through the door, Zuko can hear people whispering and he can see them looking at him. Jin glares at them, but it doesn’t do much. Jin is wonderful, but she’s far from intimidating.

They sit at a table in the corner and wait for the food. Jin half-heartedly tries to make conversation, but she must see that Zuko isn’t in the mood to talk, because she stops pretty quickly and turns to her phone instead.

They make it halfway through their meal when the bell above the door rings menacingly and Zuko looks up on instinct, only to immediately look back down. “Jin, cover me,” he hisses. Jin slides into the booth next to him without questioning it.

“Who are we hiding from?” She asks. Zuko is trying to make himself as small as possible in order to hide behind Jin’s thin frame, but he’s not sure how much longer this will work for.

“Zhao,” he whispers. “I’d say he’s my father’s friend, except my father doesn’t have friends.”

“So, like, an accomplice?” Jin asks.

Zuko frowns. “Sure?”

Jin spares a glance towards the door. “Maybe he’s what Azula was warning you about? … _Shiiiiii_ \-- Hi!” Jin moves so she’s almost sitting on top of Zuko. “Can I help you?”

Zuko silently curses. He glances up to see Zhao staring down at the two of them, unamused. Zuko sighs. It’s not like he can hide his identity. But Zhao won’t try anything in public, and definitely not with Jin watching his every move.

“Zuko.”

“What?”

Jin moves and Zuko straightens up. He’s trying to figure out the best way to get out of here as fast as possible if things go south. Zhao isn’t nearly as agile as Zuko is, but Zuko has to take Jin into account as well.

“I mean no harm,” Zhao says, which is almost definitely a lie. Even if Zhao isn’t working with Ozai and is here of his own accord, Zuko knows he isn’t here to be friendly. Zhao is just as homophobic as Ozai, and Zuko has made himself a walking target. Maybe he should paint his nails rainbow just to make sure everyone knows, in case the news articles and rumors flitting through every social media platform aren’t enough.

“Right,” Zuko says drily. Zhao invites himself to sit down and Jin pulls her food away from him and back towards her. She shoots him a glare. “Did Ozai send you?”

“I’m here to talk,” Zhao replies, effectively avoiding actually answering the question. So yes, he is here on Ozai’s orders. “As I’m sure you’re aware, your father has… many enemies.” Zuko bites back a laugh, while Jin turns hers into a fake cough. “He is wondering if there is any other information concerning you that he needs to be wary of.”

“What, me coming out wasn’t damaging enough to the campaign?” Zuko asks. If Zhao is going to avoid all of Zuko’s questions, Zuko will play the exact same game. “His opponents are going to try to dig up more secrets to expose the son who doesn’t even support him?” Zuko sits back. “They’d be better off targeting Azula.”

He’s surprised by the regret that fills his throat as soon as those words come out. He doesn’t want Azula to get hurt, and he’d never wish what he’s currently going through on her, but he _is_ right. Ozai’s practically got the nomination in his hands. The only people who would be using Zuko to tear down Ozai’s campaign are the people Zuko agrees with.

Which means it wasn’t them who leaked the photos.

Zuko files that information away for later; finding who leaked the pictures is not his main focus right now. Right now, he needs to get Zhao to leave him alone.

“Let me rephrase.” Zhao leans in closer and Zuko can tell he’s expecting him to be afraid. He’s expecting Zuko to shrink back and willingly hand over whatever information Zhao requests. “Is there a boyfriend in the picture we need to be worried about?”

The question catches Zuko far enough off guard, that he actually does answer honestly. “No? Why would that even matter?” Is Ozai afraid Zuko would make a relationship public now that he’s out? Is that why Zhao is here - to threaten Zuko into keeping his theoretical relationship secret so Ozai can keep pretending that Zuko’s just going through a phase?

Zhao turns to look at Jin. “Who is she?”

“I’m right here,” Jin says. “And I’m… Zuko’s friend.”

Zhao’s eyes narrow. He looks between the two, mutters something to himself, and then he’s gone. All Zuko can do for several moments is stare at the door.

Jin and Zuko pack up their leftovers and take them back to the Jasmine Dragon. Jin finishes eating while Zuko explains what happened to Uncle, who assures him that he didn’t see Zhao, but he will keep on the lookout. If Uncle is troubled by what Zuko tells him, he doesn't show it. But Zuko does catch him whispering to Jin as she clocks back in, and Jin has a solemn look on her face.

“...don’t think we should say anything,” she says as she ties her apron around her back. “We can’t break her trust, especially right now.”

Uncle nods slowly. “Trust is fragile and can be broken easily, but in the breaking of one thing, the whole can heal itself.”

Zuko doesn’t catch Jin’s response because his phone vibrates in his pocket and he slinks back into the back room before reading it.

* * *

_1:33 PM_

**_Mai:_ **

_azula texted. ty lee and i are coming to the Jasmine Dragon after we get off work. tell sokka he’s invited too._

**_Zuko:_ **

_okay_

**_Mai:_ **

_just about the campaign, nothing too big. don’t worry_

**_Zuko:_ **

_right._

**_Mai:_ **

_:-)_

**_Zuko:_ **

_[thumbs up emoji]_

* * *

“Mai thinks Ozai chipped my phone,” Zuko announces to Jin when she comes to say goodbye to him after her shift ends. “Also,” he lowers his voice, “she said Azula texted her, but didn’t say what.”

Jin’s eyes widen. “I’d say let me know what happens, but… not if your phone is chipped.”

Zuko groans. “My phone is not chipped! I bought it myself and pay my own phone bill! Besides, if my phone was chipped, Ozai would’ve realized I’m not straight six years ago when I was looking up _Am I Gay?_ quizzes on Buzzfeed at two in the morning.”

Jin giggles. “Glad to know I’m not the only one who thought Buzzfeed quizzes were the best way to determine my sexuality.”

Zuko raises an eyebrow and Jin slaps a hand over her mouth. They stare at each other for a few moments before Jin slowly lowers her hand. “Um. I’m pan. Surprise?”

“Nice,” Zuko says, and then winces. “I’m sorry. People keep coming out to me now, and I have no idea how to respond.”

“Oh no, it’s fine.” Jin twists a strand of hair around her finger. “I guess it’s just… I know you’re not going to judge me, so it just kind of… slipped out.” She shrugs. 

Zuko nods. He supposes it makes sense. The only times Zuko had come out _before_ had been to people he knew weren’t straight either, and it _did_ make it so much easier, because there wasn’t the fear of the other person turning on you. 

“Well!” Jin claps her hands together. “I hope you figure out what’s going on with A-- with your sister.” She gives him a quick half hug, waves goodbye, and makes her way out of the back room, leaving Zuko alone with his work.

* * *

_1:21 PM_

**_Azula:_ **

_not sure if zuko told you, but i’m coming home in two weeks_

**_Mai:_ **

_Yes. Zuko told me._

**_Azula:_ **

_perfect!_

**_Azula:_ **

_I’m hoping to see you and Ty Lee at some point, if possible. Scared you might be busy if I don’t catch you early :P_

**_Mai:_ **

_Okay, good call, we probably would end up being busy if you hadn’t texted. I’ll let you know what days we’re free. Let me know when you’re free too. Zuko might want to see you, if you’re up to that. Know you two don’t always want to see each other, though._

_3:03 PM_

**_Azula:_ **

_thank you. and as for seeing zuko, i’m not sure that would be the best idea - father is pretty upset with him._

**_Mai:_ **

_of course. well, ty lee and i look forward to seeing you when you’re back home._

**_Azula:_ **

_I look forward to seeing you too._

* * *

**_MAI_ **

Ty Lee has always been unfairly pretty, but Mai has never seen her up close in her performance outfits, and something about the way the glitter on Ty Lee’s face catches the light _just right_ renders Mai unable to think about anything besides how much she wishes she could kiss the other girl.

“Mai?” Ty Le asks, waving her hand in front of Mai’s face. “Did you hear what I said?”

“Um.” _No_.

Ty Lee giggles. “I said I’m going to go change, and then I’ll be ready to go. You can just wait on the bench in the lobby, if you want.”

Mai nods. “Right. Yes.” Ty Lee grins at Mai before skipping off, presumably to a changing room or the bathroom or something; Mai doesn’t know how dance studios work.

Mai hadn’t even realized Ty Lee was a student today. Usually, when Mai comes to pick her up, Ty Lee is teaching one of her classes, but she’s actually _in_ a class that meets twice a week and Mai had forgotten today is one of those days. And even then, it hadn’t clicked that today would be a dress rehearsal day until she’d seen Ty Lee (and the others, but mostly just Ty Lee) in their performance outfits, leaping across the dance floor.

In Mai’s defense, Ty Lee had told her to _“just come into the room whenever you get here,”_ which was something Ty Lee usually said when she was _teaching_ the class, not when she was _in_ the class.

A group of girls who were also in Ty Lee’s class had gathered in the lobby and were whispering in hushed voices while Mai scrolled through Twitter and did her best to ignore them. She was successful until one of the girls wandered over to her, looking hesitant about approaching but doing it anyways. Mai looked up and gave her best _don’t bother me_ glare.

The girl spoke anyways. “Sorry, we were just wondering if you’re Mai, the girl Ty Lee is always talking about?”

Mai feels her face flush. _Ty Lee talks about her_. “Um. Yes.”

The girl gives Mai a once over, nods, and then walks back to the group and they go back to whispering. Mai doesn’t even have time to question _what_ that was about, because Ty Lee is skipping into the lobby, and grabbing Mai’s hand to drag her out to the parking lot. Ty Lee waves goodbye to the other girls over her shoulder, and they all say goodbye in return.

“You okay?” Ty Lee asks as she fastens her seatbelt.

“Yep,” Mai lies. She’s not going to think about what just happened in the dance studio _or_ how stunning Ty Lee looked in her performance outfit. “How was practice?”

“Good!” Ty Lee tumbles into a bubbly explanation of her day - both the classes she teaches in the morning as well as her practice in the afternoon, but Mai is too focused on _not_ thinking about Ty Lee that she spends the entire drive tuning Ty Lee out and pretending she isn’t in love with her best friend.

* * *

They meet in the back room of the Jasmine Dragon. Sokka arrives a few minutes after Mai and Ty Lee, before Mai can even explain Azula’s texts.

“What’s happening?” he asks as he slides into the chair next to Zuko. “Did I miss anything?”

Zuko shakes his head. “Mai and Ty Lee just got here.” 

Ty Lee nods in affirmation. She knocks her foot against Mai’s. “You wanna tell us why you called this emergency meeting?”

Sokka groans. “Please stop trying to bring back Among Us.”

Ty Lee sticks her tongue out at him.

Mai clears her throat, effectively ending the argument. “Anyways.” She fishes her phone out of her jacket pocket. “I think we need an intervention.” She pulls up the conversation between her and Azula from earlier, and places her phone face-up on the table so everyone can see. “Assuming I didn’t misinterpret her message…”

Zuko spins the phone so it’s facing him, and his face pales almost immediately. He mutters something under his breath. “How are we supposed to help her from a different continent?” He pushes the phone away from him. “I don’t even know where she _is_ in England. London, I assume, but I’ve never been there. I wouldn’t be able to find her, and I couldn’t _ask_ her because Ozai can see…”

“Dude,” Sokka places a hand on Zuko’s shoulder, “you’re not seriously considering flying to London, are you?”

Zuko just looks at him. “What if it was Katara?”

“...That’s different.”

“She’s my _sister_ , Sokka. She warned me about Zhao, and now she’s going to pay the price, and I can’t just sit by and watch.”

“Wait,” Mai interrupts, because this is new information Zuko has neglected to share with her, and by the looks on Sokka and Ty Lee’s faces, they haven’t heard about this either. “Zhao?”

“Oh.” Zuko turns away from Sokka. “I went and got lunch with Jin today, and Zhao came up and talked to us. It was really… weird. But I’m pretty sure he was what Azula was warning me about.”

“What did he say?” Mai presses.

Zuko frowns. “He… he asked if I had a boyfriend.” Mai can’t stop herself from looking at Sokka, who tenses. “My guess is he was going to threaten me if I didn’t agree to keep my relationship a secret, but I’m not dating anyone, so,” Zuko shrugs. “I don’t know. He still didn’t seem satisfied with my answer, though. Like he was still looking for something else, but I’m not sure what.”

A chill settles around Mai’s body, the same one from the previous day when she realized that there’s some vital piece of information they’re missing. And if it really does have to do with Azula… they could be in trouble.

_Azula_ could be in trouble.

It feels weird to think about. Azula was always the invincible one. She had Ozai’s favor, and while Ozai wasn’t _kind_ to her by any means, she was never at risk because she was willing to do anything she asked, and even when she started breaking away from him, she was still smart enough to keep Ozai unaware. She’s only ever relied on herself, but by texting Mai…

She’s crying out for help, but what can they do? None of them can drop everything and fly to London - save Zuko, who will _not_ be leaving the country alone even if Mai has to handcuff him to Iroh’s guest bedroom door to stop him from going after Azula by himself.

“What is it?” Ty Lee whispers, leaning towards Mai. One of her hands comes to rest on Mai’s arm, and Mai is suddenly very grateful she didn’t take her jacket off.

“We’re missing something. Ozai’s putting together some sort of elaborate puzzle, and we’re missing the most important pieces.” Mai shakes her head and sighs. “And the only person who might have answers is being monitored, and she’s across the ocean in some secret location we don’t have access to.” This whole situation is about one step away from being a murder mystery, and while Mai did have a soft spot for Agatha Christie novels in high school, she has no desire to be caught in the middle of one.

Zuko crosses his arms across his chest. “You think Azula is the key?”

“Something like that, yeah. There’s something about her we don’t know.”

Zuko snorts. “Wow. Azula keeping secrets. Who would’ve guessed.”

Mai rolls her eyes. “I _mean_ do we know why Ozai sent her to England in the first place? Because last I checked, she didn’t offer anyone any sort of explanation.”

“That isn’t surprising,” Zuko argues. “It’s not like she was close enough to any of us to offer details. I assume after her internship ended, Ozai had some new scheme cooked up that required Azula to be stationed in England.”

Mai and Ty Lee look at each other, the realization dawning on them. “He didn’t know,” Ty Lee mutters. “Iroh never told him.”

“Uncle never told me what?”

Mai swallows. She keeps her eyes trained on Ty Lee. “When Azula was in New York City for her internship, she started coming to visit us. We’d meet up at the Jasmine Dragon on your off days.” Mai looks back to Zuko. “She didn’t want you to know, and after she left without an explanation, I was too ticked off to bring it up.”

Betrayal flashes across Zuko’s face before he locks his jaw. Sokka reaches for him, but Zuko pushes his hand away. “And she didn’t tell you anything about leaving?”

Ty Lee shakes her head. “It was so sudden. One week, we were getting tea together and talking about our Christmas breaks, and the next, she was texting us and saying Ozai was sending her to London. ...I thought we were getting along well enough that she’d at least tell us why, but…” Ty Lee leaves the statement hanging in the air. It doesn’t need finishing. They all know what happened.

Zuko closes his eyes and takes a long breath in, then exhales slowly. He repeats this several times before opening his eyes and asking, “Do you know why she didn’t want me knowing?”

“She wouldn’t outright say,” Mai answers carefully, “but I think she felt… vulnerable, I guess, and she didn’t want you realizing she had a soft side. She admitted that her first visit was because she needed advice and Iroh was the only person she could think of to turn to, and I… I don’t think she wanted you knowing that.”

“Honestly,” Ty Lee pipes up, “I think if Ozai hadn’t sent her away, she would’ve told you herself.”

Mai hadn’t really taken the time to consider what Azula would have done if Ozai hadn’t sent her to England. She wasn’t one to dwell on impossibilities. But looking back at how Azula had acted those months… Mai is inclined to agree with Ty Lee. “She was never very good at telling people things. She might have just kept it a secret because she didn’t know _how_ to tell you.”

The tension in Zuko’s body eases. “I just… wish she would’ve wanted to talk to me too.” This time when Sokka goes to put an arm around him, Zuko leans into the touch.

“We can’t spend all evening dwelling on the past,” Sokka says. “We need to focus on our next step. There must be some way we can talk to Azula without Ozai listening in on the conversation. Maybe a library computer or something? Something Ozai couldn’t possibly tap into? Granted, I don’t know what sort of hackers Ozai is working with. He could probably hack into anything, and if he has access to Azula’s phone, he’ll know where she is as long as she has it with her.”

Zuko slumps forward, resting his elbows in the table and his head in his hands. Sokka takes to rubbing slow circles on Zuko’s back. Mai is going to have to have a serious talk with Zuko about his feelings as soon as they can catch a break, because she knows he’s too much of a disaster to ever confess without a push.

Chan walks in with a tray of tea and sets it down silently on the table. Ty Lee thanks him, and he accepts it with a wink that makes Mai’s stomach clench. 

“Why’d your uncle hire _him_?” Mai grumbles.

“Hey, don’t talk bad about Chan,” Sokka hisses as he reaches forward and picks up one of the tea cups. “He is an innocent himbo who has never done anything wrong.”

Zuko glares at Sokka. “Please don’t call Uncle’s employees _himbos_.”

“Am I wrong, though?”

Zuko rolls his eyes and picks up his own cup of tea. Ty Lee remains uncharacteristically quiet, absentmindedly playing with her braid. Mai drums her fingers against her leg.

They drink their tea and the conversation shifts away from Azula and towards topics of little to no importance, and while the voice in the back of Mai’s head won’t stop telling her they need to _focus_ , it’s kind of nice to just sit and talk with friends, laughing at Sokka’s stupid jokes that wouldn’t be half as funny if the past two days hadn’t been so stressful.

At some point, Ty Lee shifts closer to Mai and leans her head on Mai’s shoulder and it’s like electricity is dancing across Mai’s skin, webbing its way down her spine until her entire body is fuzzy. But it’s a _nice_ feeling, so she does her best to relax. And when Ty Lee sets her empty teacup down on the table so she can entwine her fingers with Mai’s, Mai doesn’t pull away. She lets herself live in the moment for once, and decides she can deal with the consequences tomorrow.

* * *

**_ZUKO_ **

Sokka, Mai, and Ty Lee stay for dinner after Uncle insists he misses cooking for more than just himself (“Tea and pastries are different, Zuko”), and Zuko has to all but push Sokka out the door, assuring him that he will be fine alone with Uncle tonight. Nothing bad happened last night, and it’s doubtful anything bad will happen tonight since Zhao found Zuko during the day. It’s highly unlikely Ozai would have sent Zhao to talk to Zuko today if Zuko was supposed to die in the middle of the night.

Still, Sokka doesn’t want to leave and protests the entire walk to his car. Zuko practically shoves him into the driver’s seat and slams the door shut behind him. Sokka rolls down the window before Zuko can leave. “You’re sure you’ll be alright?”

“Yes,” Zuko says for the hundredth time in the past hour. “I’ll be fine, Sokka, I promise. If Zhao wanted to hurt me, he wouldn't have made himself known by attempting to have a civil conversation about my personal life.”

“Still--”

“ _Sokka_ ,” Zuko interrupts. His brain very unhelpfully tells him he should say something along the lines of, _‘If I didn’t know any better, I’d say you just wanted to get back in bed with me,’_ but Zuko pushes _that_ thought as far down as it will go. “I’m going to be okay. I’ll call you if anything happens.”

Sokka holds his arm out through the window, with only his pinky sticking up. “Pinky promise?”

It was something Sokka had done back in high school - always asking his friends for pinky promises, citing that if you broke one, you were supposed to cut your pinky off and Suki would definitely not hesitate to mutilate someone’s hand. So Zuko smiles softly and hooks his pinky around Sokka’s. “Pinky promise.” He leans forward. “Now go home and get some rest. _Please_.”

It takes a few more minutes of assuring Sokka he’ll be okay, but the other man _does_ eventually drive off and Zuko makes his way back into the shop, sure to lock the door behind him. With Mai’s voice sounding in the back of his mind, Zuko double checks the lock for safety. Once he’s satisfied, he makes his way up to the apartment.

He waves to Uncle as he passes by before changing into his pajamas and holing up in his room which isn’t technically his room anymore. He mostly caught up with his work today, so he opts to pull up Netflix and watch a cooking show that doesn’t require any brain power. He makes it through three episodes before he dozes, only falling into a half-sleep that’s haunted by visions of ovens malfunctioning and Sokka’s smile.

He wakes suddenly as the credits roll. He isn’t sure what woke him until he hears something hit his window. In his drowsy state, Zuko half-wonders if it’s Sokka trying to recreate a scene from some rom-com. Does Troy throw rocks at Gabriella’s window in _High School Musical_ , or is Zuko mixing up his Disney Channel Original Movies again?

Zuko drags himself out of bed and trudges over to the window, pulling the shade up. He rubs his good eye, trying to see through the darkness. Maybe he was just imagining things?

Despite any logic Zuko might have left, he opens the window. “Hello?”

“Let me in!” A voice whisper-shouts up to him, and it’s about as effective as someone dumping a bucket of ice cold water over his head. Zuko slams the window shut and tears through the apartment, grabs the keys on his way, dashes down the stairs, and comes to a stop at the front door of the Jasmine Dragon. He fumbles with the lock and flings the door open as soon as it clicks.

The girl steps inside and lowers her hood as the door swings shut behind her. She’s dressed in all black and has a scarf around her neck that covers most of her face, but Zuko recognized her as soon as he heard her voice. And if he hadn’t, the piercing gaze she’s fixing him with would have given her away.

“Azula,” he breathes out, relief flooding his voice.

“Hello, Zuzu.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> :)


	6. to save a life i didn't have

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> my only excuse for the late update is that i genuinely forgot yesterday was monday sjhdfkhs
> 
> tw for a very brief mention of alcohol in the paragraph near the end of the chapter that starts with "Two months ago"
> 
> chapter title from 'in the woods somewhere' by hozier

**_i clutched my life_ **

**_and wished it kept_ **

**_my dearest love_ **

**_i’m not done yet_ **

_—in the woods somewhere, hozier_

* * *

**_AZULA_ **

Azula didn’t have another option. 

She had enough money set aside to buy a one-way plane ticket to New York, and it was quite possibly the most reckless idea she could have come up with, but she liked the idea of staying in London even less. Ozai hadn’t explicitly let on that he knew Azula was the reason Zuko wasn’t at home last night, but she could read between the lines. He knew, and Azula was going to pay.

She’d texted Mai in a panic, and Mai’s response told Azula not only that Zuko had told her about Azula’s texts, but that he’d correctly figured out what she was saying, given the fact that Mai had responded in the same code. Meaning it wasn’t a fluke that Zuko wasn’t at home and Azula was definitely in trouble.

So she’d cashed in on a bargain she’d made with one of her classmates and convinced the girl to order a plane ticket for her. Azula paid the girl in cash since all of her bank accounts were monitored by Ozai, and the girl had, thankfully, not asked any questions. They’d printed out the tickets and confirmation at the library and Azula had thanked the girl more genuinely than she’d thanked anyone in years.

She packed quickly, left a note with the rest of her cash on the table, saying she was working on a project late and might not be home so if anyone came to check on her, they might just take the hush money and not tell Ozai. Azula left her phone and laptop on her desk, made sure she had enough money for a cab, grabbed the bag she’d packed earlier, and left.

She’d gotten tickets for a red-eye flight, and had been surprised to find one so soon that still had seats available. She didn’t have any American money, so she’d have to walk from the airport to the Jasmine Dragon, but if she remembered correctly, it was only a twenty minute walk and Azula could easily take down anyone who tried to mess with her.

She slept off and on during the nearly eight hour flight, but her nerves were too jumpy for her to sleep too soundly. Every sudden noise startled her, and she was sure that any other person on the flight with her might be one of her father’s secret agents.

But the plane touched down without incident, and Azula filed out with everybody else. She’d only brought a carry on, so she wandered around the airport until she found a map of the city and was able to figure out the quickest route from the airport to the Jasmine Dragon.

Without any way to keep time, Azula had no idea how long the walk actually took, but she did finally find herself face-to-face with the storefront of her uncle’s teashop. It was definitely past one in the morning here, and Azula didn’t want to break in when Iroh was likely on high alert. She circled around to the side of the building and saw a light flickering in the crack under the shade in one of the windows. Zuko’s bedroom, if she remembered correctly, though he’d moved out a few years back. It made sense that he would be staying with Iroh, though, after Azula’s warning. 

She scanned the ground until she found a rock she deemed the right size, drew her arm back, and flung it up towards the window hard enough to make a noise, but not hard enough to break anything. She waited a few moments, and when there was no response, she found another rock and tried again.

This time, she was answered by the shade opening and the sight of a figure standing at the window. She would have to hope it was Zuko and not some other random guest Iroh had invited over.

The window opened and Zuko’s voice called out, “Hello?”

“Let me in!” Azula called up, keeping her voice as hushed as she could while still making sure it carried up to her brother.

The window slammed shut in response, and Azula trekked back around to the front of the building. She saw Zuko dash through the lobby, and the way he unlocked the door and swung it open was tinged with a frantic energy Azula couldn’t explain.

And now, Azula is standing across from the brother she hasn’t seen in four years in the teashop her father forbade her from ever returning to.

* * *

**_ZUKO_ **

Zuko can’t help himself. He lunges forwards and pulls Azula into a hug. Azula stiffens at the contact, but Zuko doesn’t let that bother him. He knows how Azula was raised, and he knows how long it took him to realize that you’re allowed to hug the people you care about.

It takes a few seconds, but Azula does relax and she even wraps her arms around him. Zuko isn’t sure how long they stand in the lobby of the Jasmine Dragon, wrapped in a hug that has to make up for fourteen years of discord, but it feels _right_ to be hugging Azula.

“I was so worried,” Zuko confesses. “I was going to fly to England myself, but Mai wouldn’t allow it.”

Azula breaks the hug at that so she can look at him with a mystified expression. “Why?”

“You said you were scared. You’re never scared.”

“Well…” Azula shrugs. She looks almost sheepish, and so unlike herself. “People change, I guess. Speaking of…” she reaches forward and wraps a strand of Zuko’s hair around her finger. “Your hair’s longer than mine now.” She pulls her hand back. “You look older, too. Although,” her gaze flicks down to his pants, “you’re wearing _Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtle_ pajama pants, so I might retract that statement.”

Zuko laughs.

“What’s funny?”

“Anything that isn’t threatening my life is funny right now.”

Azula considers this for a moment before nodding. “Fair enough.” She looks around the shop and shifts the bag on her back. It’s too dark to see for sure, but Zuko is fairly certain something like nostalgia crosses her face. “I wish I could have come back sooner,” she says in that tone that lets Zuko know she’s picking each and every one of her words out carefully. “And I don’t know how long we have until he realizes I’m gone.” She tucks a strand of hair behind her ear, which is what alerts Zuko that her hair is _down_. Likely to make herself less recognizable, but still.

And Zuko knows whatever Azula has to tell them is important, but he can also see that she’s tired, and the last thing anyone needs right now is a tired Azula. “Why don’t we talk more in the morning?” He suggests. “You look like you need some rest.”

He braces for Azula’s rebuttal, but it never comes. Instead she just sighs and nods and lets Zuko lead her up to the apartment after he locks the door. Zuko leads her to the guest room, where his laptop is playing the next episode of whatever cooking show he was watching. He shuts it and plugs it into the charger. 

Azula gives him a weird look. “Where are you going to sleep?”

“The couch.” Before Azula can argue, he adds, “Listen, Azula, I know we don’t get along, but you’re still my little sister, and I’m still going to look out for you, okay? So just take the bed, because I think you need a good night’s sleep more than I do.”

Zuko doesn’t wait for Azula’s response, because he knows she’ll just try to argue or insult him, but as he reaches the door, she calls out, “Wait,” in a voice that makes him stop and look back at her.

“Thank you,” she whispers.

Zuko feels himself smile. “No problem.”

* * *

_1:46 AM_

**_Zuko:_ **

_Azula contacted me again, but nothing we need to deal with at 1 am._

**_Zuko:_ **

_stop by the shop as soon as you can tomorrow, and i’ll explain better_

_7:34 AM_

**_Sokka:_ **

_DUDE I TOLD YOU TO CALL_

**_Sokka:_ **

_i’m on my way, but you’re paying for breakfast_

**_Zuko:_ **

_it’s my uncle’s shop, and he always gives you free food anyways_

**_Sokka:_ **

_it’s about the principal, zuko_

**_Zuko:_ **

_fine, i’ll pay for your breakfast_

**_Zuko:_ **

_just get here quickly_

**_Sokka:_ **

_you’re worrying me_

**_Zuko:_ **

_stop worrying and get dressed!!_

**_Sokka:_ **

_okay, okay_

**_Sokka:_ **

_spirits you’re needy_

**_Zuko:_ **

_..._

**_Sokka:_ **

_:)_

* * *

_1:47 AM_

**_Zuko:_ **

_you & ty lee need to stop by the jasmine dragon tomorrow morning _

**_Zuko:_ **

_it’s nothing bad, and i’ll explain once you’re there_

_7:40 AM_

**_Mai:_ **

_agni zuko can’t we catch a break_

**_Zuko:_ **

_apparently not_

**_Zuko:_ **

_please just trust me on this, okay?_

**_Mai:_ **

_yeah, okay, we’re on our way_

* * *

“I need you to promise not to freak out,” is the first thing Zuko says when he opens the door for Sokka.

Sokka frowns. “Um. Okay?”

Zuko opens the door the rest of the way and moves to let Sokka into the apartment. Zuko braces himself, and the exact moment Sokka registers that Azula is here is made evident by him choking on his drink. “What the--?” He manages between coughs. He turns to look at Zuko. “You said Azula texted, not that she showed up on your doorstep!”

“No, I said she _contacted_ me,” Zuko corrects. He’d been very careful in his wording to make sure he didn’t lie to Sokka, though he would admit his text had probably been a teensy bit misleading. But on the off chance that his phone _is_ chipped, he didn’t want to alert Ozai that Azula was here. She said she’d left anything that Ozai could use to track her location in London, and they needed to keep Ozai thinking Azula was still in England for as long as possible.

“You were supposed to call me if anything big happened!” Sokka throws the hand not holding his drink up in the air. “How could anything bigger than this happen?”

Zuko winces. He knew Sokka would get upset, but there was nothing any of them could do at one in the morning, and Azula had needed to rest. “Sokka, it was one in the morning. Azula had just basically pulled an all-nighter and needed to sleep. If you hadn’t responded to my text when you did, I would’ve called, but there really wasn’t any reason to wake you up.”

Sokka sighs. He pouts at Zuko as he takes a sip of his coffee, but Zuko doesn’t budge. “I guess you’re right,” he admits. “But I’m still a little mad you broke our pinky promise.”

Azula takes that as her cue to speak up. “So you’re Sokka, hm?” She looks Sokka over, frowns, then shrugs and lets her face return to its neutral state. “I’ve heard a lot about you.”

“I’ve heard a lot about you too,” Sokka responds carefully. Zuko feels like introducing these two might be the equivalent of setting off a nuclear bomb, but he can’t take it back now, and it was bound to happen eventually. “Not all if it has been good.”

Azula tosses her hair over her shoulder. “Honestly, I’m surprised any of it was good.” She stands up and strides over to Sokka like this is her apartment and not Uncle’s. Sokka sips his drink and stares at Azula. Zuko wants to warn him against looking into Azula’s eyes for too long - like she might suddenly become Medusa and turn Sokka to stone - but Zuko’s mouth won’t work. All he can do is watch silently as his estranged sister and his best friend try to figure out what to make of each other.

Zuko isn’t sure whether to be grateful or upset when the door swings open and he hears Ty Lee say, “Zuko, what-- WHAT?! _Azula_?”

“What the hell,” Mai says, but she says it with more as a statement than a question. “Zuko, I’m going to strangle you. How did you text me so nonchalantly about this?”

Zuko turns to face Mai and points a finger at her. “ _You_ were the one who decided my phone might be chipped,” he points out. “If I’d texted you, _‘Hey, guess what, Azula just showed up outside the Jasmine Dragon at one in the morning, but I’m forcing her to get some sleep so don’t come until, like, seven’_ you would not have reacted very well.”

Mai opens her mouth, then shuts it. Her gaze locks on Azula instead. “What are you doing here, Azula? You haven’t said anything in four years, and now you just _show up_ like nothing happened?”

“I’m not pretending nothing happened,” Azula shoots back. “I promise I’ll explain everything, but I had to--” she wraps her arms around herself, like she’s trying to protect herself from something. Whether it’s Mai’s words or her own thoughts Zuko isn’t sure.

Either way, Zuko places himself in between Mai and Azula. “Mai, you can draw your anger out all you want, but when Azula texted you saying she was scared, I _know_ you were worried. So let’s just focus on the fact that Azula is _safe_ right now and let her open up at her own speed.” 

Zuko is afraid Mai is going to just straight up slap him until Ty Lee whispers something in her ear and her face softens. She shoots another glare towards Azula, but she grumbles out a, “ _Fine_.”

Zuko turns back to Azula. “I’m only trusting that you _have_ a good explanation because you warned me about Zhao.”

Azula frowns. “Zhao?” She shifts. “I didn’t really know what I was warning you about. Father just told me you were ‘going to pay’ and he ‘hoped you locked your doors at night’. Why would he…?” Azula blinks slowly. “Zuko, do you live with anyone?”

What does that have to do with anything? “No? Zhao _did_ seem weirdly interested in--” a thought occurs to Zuko. “Wait, is that your way of asking me if I have a boyfriend?” He raises an eyebrow. Seriously, it’s almost like going to a family reunion and having everyone ask you _So when are you getting married? You’re 24 now, time is wasting away!_ Except Zuko’s family mostly wants him dead and having a significant other might be the _wrong_ answer.

Azula mutters several choice words under her breath in at least three different languages - only two of which Zuko recognizes - and Zuko is really _not_ liking the look on her face. She clenches and unclenches her fists. “I need…” she looks around, and mutters a word in some language Zuko doesn’t recognize, but he can assume it’s probably a swear. “Zhao talked to you? And he asked you if you have a boyfriend?”

“Yes,” Zuko answers. “Which I _don’t_ ,” he adds.

“You don’t,” Azula repeats like she doesn’t believe him. Seriously though, who is around for Zuko to date? He’s been a little busy drowning himself in guilt over his last relationship to look for a new one. “Maybe he didn’t figure it out, then,” she mutters. “Maybe…” she groans. “If only there were some way for me to check my email without giving away my location. Zhao might have let me in on any information he wanted to pass along to Father. _Maybe_ we aren’t too late--”

“Wait!” Sokka interrupts, his face lighting up. “Azula, all you need is a VPN.” he turns to look at Zuko. “Go get your laptop, and I can set it up so it’ll look like Azula logged into her email in London. Technically, Ozai could _probably_ see that Azula is using a VPN, _but_ it won’t be obvious enough for him to look into it.”

* * *

Sokka types away on Zuko’s laptop, his eyebrows furrowed in concentration. Mai, Ty Lee, and Azula are whispering to each other on the other side of the room, and Zuko thinks maybe he should join them, but he kind of just wants to watch the way Sokka’s bites his lip and narrows his eyes at Zuko’s computer screen. Sokka’s tongue pokes out of the corner of his mouth as he moves to clicking around, and Zuko has _literally_ no idea what Sokka is doing, but he could probably sit here and watch Sokka for hours.

Unfortunately, it can’t be more than five minutes before Sokka proudly announces, “Azula, I’m ready for you!”

Azula comes to sit down next to Sokka, and Sokka turns the laptop to face her. “I set up the VPN so it’ll show up that you’re in London if Ozai decides to check your location. He also won’t be able to see what computer you logged in on, so if he asks, just say you logged in at your school’s library or something.”

Azula nods and leans forward to log into her email. “Thank you.”

“No problem!” Sokka moves so he’s sitting next to Zuko and not looking over Azula’s shoulder at her personal emails (despite the fact that said personal emails can all be read by Ozai anyways). He knocks his leg against Zuko’s and when Zuko looks up at him in confusion, he just smiles in his goofy Sokka way, which - as always - is enough to draw a smile out of Zuko.

Zuko knocks his foot against Sokka’s, and it’s so stupid that they’re sitting here playing footsy while sitting side-by-side when there are a thousand vitally important things they should be working to put together so they can figure out Ozai’s master plan before all of the puzzle pieces are put into place, but Zuko also _doesn’t care_. So when Sokka swings his legs up into Zuko’s lap like that means he’s won their game that can barely be called a game, Zuko just leans over and flicks Sokka’s shoulder, though he allows Sokka’s legs to stay exactly where they are.

“Rude,” Sokka mumbles, but it’s clear he doesn’t mean it.

Zuko opens his mouth to respond, but then his gaze lands on Azula, whose eyes widen suddenly. Her face goes pale. She clicks something on the computer and closes it harshly. “What--?” is all Zuko gets out before she stands up and grabs Zuko’s arm.

Sokka moves his leg so Zuko can stand up and let Azula drag him back to the guest room, away from everyone else. Azula closes the door behind them, then crosses the room and pulls the curtains shut too, which Zuko thinks is a little much, but the expression on her face stops him from saying anything.

“What’s going on?” Zuko asks.

“I was right. And Zhao managed to figure it out somehow without you outright telling him. Though it’s not like you make it _hard_.” She rolls her eyes. “I haven’t even been here twelve hours and I was able to figure it out.”

Zuko stares at Azula blankly. “What are you talking about?” What information is Zuko hiding that his father and Zhao could possibly use? They already found out he’s gay, they already found out about Jet. Zuko really doesn’t have anything else he’s hiding.

“Zuko,” Azula says, her tone dropping to something dangerously serious. Zuko still doesn’t know what Azula is talking about, or why she looks some sort of scared, but just the way Azula says his name sends a shiver rippling through his body. “Dad isn’t targeting you; he’s going to go after Sokka.”

* * *

_**From:** zchen@gmail.com _

_**To:** osozin@gmail.com _

_**CC:** azsozin@gmail.com _

**_Subject:_ ** _Your Answer_

_Mr. Sozin,_

_After our conversation, I have come to believe that your son does have someone he is close to, though he wouldn’t say if it was an official boyfriend or not. I have CC’d Azula in the hopes that she might be able to talk to her brother more in depth about this, as I understand that it is important for you to know if Zuko revealing he has a boyfriend is something you need to be worried about dealing with. The included attachment is a photograph from security footage of the parking lot of your brother's teashop and should provide you with a visual._

_I will follow up with you soon._

_Attachment: [ IMG_4297.jpg] _

_Regards,_

_Chen Zhao_

* * *

Zuko feels everything inside of him turn to ice. He’d accepted that his father might try to hire an assassin to kill him; that was just the price of having Ozai as a father and being gay. Zuko could deal with his life being at risk. It wasn’t the first time Ozai had threatened his life with violence, and Zuko can guess it won’t be the last. 

But _Sokka_?

“Why?” Zuko says, barely. It doesn’t make sense. Why would Ozai even bother with Sokka? He’s of no importance to Ozai or the campaign. And as much as Sokka loves to threaten violence towards Ozai when he and Zuko are alone, anyone could easily tell he won’t actually do anything. Sokka might hate Ozai, but he isn’t _stupid_. 

Azula looks at Zuko with a bewildered expression, like she can’t believe he would ask something so stupid. “You’re in love with him.”

“ _What?_ ” Zuko sputters. “No I’m not.” How on earth did Azula manage to come to _that_ conclusion? Zuko isn’t in love with Sokka. Surely he would have figured that out by now - they’ve been friends since they were juniors in high school, and Zuko’s known he was into guys for about as long. He couldn’t have possibly _not_ realized he’s in love with his best friend.

...Right?

“I am _not_ in love with Sokka,” Zuko says, but he isn’t sure he really believes it. Because he’s _not_ in love with Sokka, but there are suddenly a thousand memories pushing their way to the front of Zuko’s mind, a thousand moments between the two of them that could have been some sort of indication or warning.

When they were eighteen, Zuko invited Sokka to spend the night, and they’d slept in this very room, in the bed not four feet away from where Zuko is standing now. Zuko had been rambling about why _Hamlet_ is his favorite Shakespeare play, and Sokka - despite being a confessed Shakespeare anti - had listened intently to everything Zuko had to say. And then Sokka, who _hated_ Shakespeare and all other classic literature with a fiery passion - had gotten Zuko tickets to see a production of _King Lear_ for his nineteenth birthday.

Two months ago, Sokka had invited Zuko over to his apartment and they’d drank just enough so they were slightly tipsy. Sokka spent a solid two hours telling Zuko about an idea for a new app he had, explaining in detail how each aspect would work. And Zuko hadn’t understood most of what Sokka was saying, but he’d listened anyways, nodding along and asking questions where he could. Sokka’s face had lit up even more at every question Zuko asked, which was why Zuko did his best to understand enough to keep asking for more. And Zuko had blamed it on the alcohol, but as Sokka spoke, Zuko decided that Sokka was probably the most beautiful person he’d ever seen.

Zuko thinks back to all the times he and Sokka have brushed up against each other in the past months, and then the past years and since Zuko was nineteen years old and sitting next to Sokka watching _King_ Lear, and Sokka had grabbed his hand halfway through the fourth act and didn’t let go until curtain call, when they’d had to break apart to applaud.

And _oh_.

Zuko realizes, maybe, he’s always been a little in love with Sokka.

“How…” Zuko swallows thickly. “How do you know he’ll target Sokka?” Because especially now, Zuko doesn’t want to believe Sokka could be in any sort of danger. Least of all danger caused by Zuko himself and feelings Zuko only _just_ realized he was harboring.

“Because,” Azula tells him easily, “he pulled this same plot on me.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> (i have very little knowledge about technology so if the part about the vpn was inaccurate, just pretend it wasn't.)


	7. cool girl (azula's interlude)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> this chapter is longer than my previous ones have been (and longer than I originally intended for it to be), but here's the moment you've been waiting for: the answers about azula!
> 
> chapter title from cool girl by dodie

**_i’ll be quiet_ **

**_i’ll be easy_ **

_—cool girl, dodie_

* * *

_**AZULA**  
(four years ago)_

It starts how most tragedies do: with a lapse in pride.

Azula walks into the tea shop her uncle owns - the Jasmine Dragon - on a Thursday afternoon after an hour-long drive from the apartment her father is paying for in New York City. She’s all alone in the city, save for the people she’s working for and the two other interns, who are far from the kind of people Azula can befriend. (She says, like she even knows how to make friends.) Which is why, when she needs advice, the only people she has to turn to are the uncle she hasn’t spoken to in years or the brother she’s supposed to hate.

And Azula still has just enough pride left to not turn to Zuko.

So Azula walks into the Jasmine Dragon on a Thursday afternoon when she knows Zuko has class and there’s no chance of him working, and she walks right up to the counter. The girl standing there has dark brown hair pulled into a low ponytail and even darker brown eyes. She smiles at Azula. “Welcome to the Jasmine Dragon! What can I get for you?”

Azula momentarily forgets why she’s even come here when the girl smiles at her - it’s dazzling and friendly and _Agni\_ , Azula really needs to interact with actual human people who aren’t co-workers more often. She shakes herself out of her daze and asks, “Is Iroh here?”

The girl frowns and narrows her eyes, examining Azula. After a few moments of tense silence, she nods. “He’s… in the back. I’ll go get him for you.” The girl spins around and leaves before Azula can even think to thank her.

A few moments later, the girl emerges from the back room followed by a man who looks familiar enough that Azula is able to place the face as her uncle’s. He hardly looks different from four years ago when he showed up to take Zuko away and pulled Azula aside, asking if she wanted to come too. It was a nice thought, but Zuko _had_ to leave and Azula _couldn’t_. Besides, she’d rather die than live with Zuko and the uncle she’d been taught to look down on.

“It _is_ you,” Iroh says. “Azula…” He rounds the counter and pulls Azula into a hug, which was the last thing Azula had expected to happen. Truthfully, she’d expected Iroh to passive aggressively refuse to help her, and Azula would stomp back out to her car without even getting anything to drink and the whole fiasco would have just been a waste of three hours and Agni knows how much gas.

“Come,” he says after he breaks the hug. “Sit down. Let us talk.”

* * *

It becomes a weekly thing - Azula going to the Jasmine Dragon and talking with Iroh until he has to go back to work, and then Azula will pull out her laptop or she’ll bring a book to read or she’ll just scroll through Twitter for two hours. The same girl who was working the first week - Jin, Azula learns - is always there. And Azula doesn't know a single thing about tea, so she lets Jin fix her a new drink each week. Surprisingly, most of them are pretty good.

On Azula’s third visit, Jin comes and sits across from her during her break. She replaces Azula’s empty cup with a full one before sipping on her own drink and taking a bite out of some sort of cookie.

“Hello?” It comes out meaner than Azula intends it to, but it’s not like she has a lot of practice talking to pretty girls--

Azula bites her tongue to stop that thought before it can go anywhere. She doesn’t really need to be having _that_ crisis right now. Or ever.

“Hi,” Jin says, seemingly unfazed by Azula’s unintentional rudeness. “You’re Zuko’s sister, right?”

Azula rolls her eyes. “Why do I have to be ‘Zuko’s sister’? Can’t I just be Azula?”

Jin takes another bite of her cookie, chewing thoughtfully. “That’s fair,” she says once she swallows. “Okay then _Azula_ , why don’t you tell me a little bit about yourself? If you’re going to keep coming here every week while I’m working, I think we should get to know each other a little better.”

“Do you waste a lunch break on all your regulars to ‘get to know them better’?” Azula crosses her arm.

“No,” Jin smiles. “Just the cute ones.”

And really, Azula should stop this right here and right now. She should thank Jin for the tea, stand up, and walk away. She should either never come back to the Jasmine Dragon _ever_ or she should find out when Jin is _not_ working so she can avoid her for the rest of her life. But instead, Azula’s brain short-circuits because she’s never been called _cute_ before, much less by a girl as nice and beautiful as Jin. Mostly, people just call Azula “scary”. But never cute.

So Azula tells Jin about her internship in New York City and how much she likes not being under constant surveillance by her father. Jin tells Azula that she’s a senior in high school and she’s planning to major in elementary education. They talk for the entire duration of Jin’s half hour break, and then Iroh comes to tell them since business is slow, Jin can take an extra fifteen minutes. Azula thinks maybe he just likes the fact that she’s talking to someone besides him.

Azula leaves around the same time Jin goes back to work, and Jin sends Azula off with a cinnamon roll in a nice little to-go box. Azula doesn’t ask if Jin knew she’s always loved cinnamon rolls or if she asked Iroh, she just accepts it with a quick, _“Thank you,”_ before moving out of the way so the customer behind her can order.

It isn’t until Azula is back in her apartment that she notices the phone number scrawled on the side of the box in black marker with Jin’s name and a heart underneath it.

* * *

_7:32 PM_

**_Azula:_ **

_Do you give your number to all your regulars?_

**_Jin (from the tea shop):_ **

_Nope, just you ;)_

* * *

Azula is pretty sure Iroh and Jin are conspiring behind her back, because they both talk to her about reaching out to Mai and Ty Lee within fifteen minutes of each other. And it’s not that Azula _doesn’t_ want to reach out - she does. It’s that Mai and Ty Lee both have no reason to even respond and Azula doesn’t know if she can handle the rejection. Thinking about its near-inevitability is very different than having to actually face it.

But with both Iroh and Jin encouraging Azula to at least _try_ , she does eventually break. She asks Mai and Ty Lee if they want to meet up at the Jasmine Dragon sometime and tells them she understands if they don’t. _If_ they don’t, Azula will apologize via text, but she thinks an apology would be better in person. 

When Mai and Ty Lee accept Azula’s invitation, Azula is typing an excited text to Jin before she even responds to their acceptance, and _that_ is when the realization truly crashes down on her.

Because Azula doesn’t get _excited_ to text people - even back when she was friends with Mai and Ty Lee, she would just wait to tell them any good things happening to her in person. But with Jin? With Jin, Azula wants to send her a picture of every little thing she sees throughout the day that either makes her smile or makes her think of Jin or makes her think of Uncle. She wants to send Jin all the little quips she can’t say out loud. When something good happens, Azula’s first instinct is to text Jin.

Sure, Azula thought Jin was pretty the first time she met her. But Azula has thought other girls were pretty and nothing has come of it. She thought Ty Lee was _stunning_ the first time she met her, and she still thinks that, but ever since she actually got to _know_ Ty Lee, she hasn’t seen her as anything other than a friend. Azula has had little baby crushes before, because who hasn’t? Who doesn’t see a cute girl at Starbucks and have to force themself not to stare because that’s _weir_? It’s just something that happens, and that’s fine, but _this_?

This is not a little baby crush. This is not an “Oh, she’s pretty,” moment that turned into a friendship Azula can’t see progressing into anything else. This is a full-blown _I want to hold your hand and kiss you and take you to the movies but get distracted watching you instead_ crush. And because Azula’s luck had to run out somewhere, this crush is on a _girl_.

* * *

Azula meets Mai and Ty Lee on a Sunday afternoon. Jin had sent Zuko’s schedule to Azula so she could avoid him, and when Azula had voiced (texted?) her concerns about Zuko showing up in the shop anyways (he _does_ live above it, to be fair), Jin had replied that Zuko had plans Sunday with Sokka. Azula doesn’t know who Sokka is, but she also doesn’t really care and she knows Jin wouldn’t lie to her.

Unfortunately, Jin is _also_ off today, so Azula won’t get to see her. Then again, maybe it’s for the best because she hasn’t seen Jin since her Realization and she isn’t sure if her brain will just drop out of her body the next time she sees the other girl.

Today, there’s a boy standing behind the counter. His head is shaved and he has an arrow tattoo starting below the collar of his shirt and wrapping up over the top of his head, ending on his forehead with the arrowhead pointing down to his nose. Despite the tattoo (which must have been pretty painful, Azula thinks), the boy has to be either Azula’s age or younger. 

“Welcome to the Jasmine Dragon,” the boy greets. “What can I get started for you?”

“Um…” Azula glances around the shop. Mai and Ty Lee aren’t here yet, so Azula has nothing better to do than order a drink and sip on it while she waits for them. Azula’s gaze falls on the menu. Unfortunately, she never asks what drinks Jin makes for her and she has never once ordered something specific.

“Sorry, this is weird, but… are you Iroh’s niece?” the boy asks.

Azula’s eyes widen briefly before she regains her composure. “...Yes.”

The boy nods. “You look kinda like Zuko, and Iroh mentioned you’d be coming by to meet up with some friends today.” He quickly adds, “Don’t worry! He also said you didn’t want Zuko to know you’re here yet, so I won’t say anything. It isn’t fair for anyone besides you to be the one to tell him.” The boy smiles brightly. “Also! Jin told me your order for today, and she told me to tell you that she said hi.”

Azula feels a warmth spread through her chest at the mention of Jin and the thought that she’d told the boy - _Aang_ , his name tag says - about her. Aang makes Azula’s drink, and Azula sits down at her usual table to wait for Mai and Ty Lee. She arrived early, so it isn’t really a surprise they aren’t here yet. She takes a sip of her drink and smiles because she recognizes it as the same drink she had the first time Jin decided to spend her break with Azula.

* * *

_2:38 PM_

**_Azula:_ **

_[attachment: 1 image]_

**_Azula:_ **

_thanks for the drink!_

**_Jin (from the tea shop):_ **

_ahhh yay, aang remembered!!_

**_Jin (from the tea shop):_ **

_you’re welcome <3 _

**_Jin (from the tea shop):_ **

_how’s it going with your friends?_

**_Azula:_ **

_they’re not here yet_

**_Azula:_ **

_we’re meeting at 2:45 though so i figured i’d get here before them_

**_Jin (from the tea shop):_ **

_ah, okay_

**_Jin (from the tea shop):_ **

_well let me know how it goes!_

**_Azula:_ **

_i will :-)_

* * *

Mai and Ty Lee arrive at 2:43, and they both wave at Azula before stepping up to order a drink. Aang talks to them as he makes their drinks, dropping names Azula might recognize if she’d paid attention to anything Zuko had told her in the past few years. Once Aang has handed them their drinks - some sort of hot drink for Mai and a light pink drink with what Azula assumes are tapioca pearls in the bottom for Ty Lee - they come to join Azula.

“Hi!” Ty Lee exclaims, and she’s exactly as bubbly and happy as Azula remembers. Mai looks the same too - always vaguely disinterested in everything going on around her - and Azula can’t tell if that’s a good thing or a bad thing. 

Azula clears her throat. She wraps her hands around her cup, letting the warmth seep into her palms. “Thanks for coming,” she tells them.

Mai just nods, but Ty Lee says, “Of course! It’s so nice to see you!”

Azula is pretty sure that’s a lie, but she’s not going to press either of them into the truth.

She had been so ready to spill out an apology, but now that Mai and Ty Lee are actually _here_ , all of the words Azula had been meaning to say have been wiped out of her mind, and all of her courage has left too. The only _clear_ thing in Azula’s mind right now is the voice of her father telling her that in order to keep Mai and Ty Lee close, they need to be afraid of leaving her. Azula _hates_ that that voice is most prominent - that it’s still even there at all. 

But then another voice floats into Azula’s mind, and it sounds suspiciously like Jin - encouraging and reassuring. Azula lets that voice smooth over her father’s and she still doesn’t quite remember all the words she’d planned out, but she can ad lib.

“I’m sorry,” Azula starts. She tries not to let how shocked Mai and Ty Lee look bring her down. “I was… I was a _terrible_ friend. I tried to use fear to control you and then got mad when you ran away to the same place Zuko ran to. I’m not… I’m not very good at _being_ a friend, but I want to get better.” Azula grips her cup harder. “I get it if you don’t want to be friends with me anymore, but I wanted to apologize anyways.”

Mai and Ty Lee look at each other, and Azula can’t figure out what they’re saying with their eyes, but she _does_ notice that there’s some sort of spark in between them that hadn’t been there before. There are some feelings hanging between the two that are unspoken and maybe unknown, but Azula picks up on it easily.

“Azula,” Mai is the one who speaks first. Azula can see the turmoil in her expression - debating what to do, what to say, whether she should even bother believing that Azula could ever feel sorry. What Mai _does_ say, finally, is “Thank you.” It’s not forgiveness, but it’s a far better response than Azula had expected, and she feels some of the tension leave her shoulders.

Ty Lee reaches across the table and pulls one of Azula’s hands off her cup so she can hold it. Ty Lee has always been a touchy person, but somehow this feels wrong with Mai right here, so Azula steels her gaze away from Mai and onto Ty Lee. “I can’t speak for Mai,” Ty Lee tells her, “but I would love to have another go at being friends.”

Ty Lee looks over at Mai, but Azula drops her gaze to her and Ty Lee’s hands. She wonders if maybe, someday, the three of them could get to the point where Azula could confess that she has an actual real crush on a girl and she doesn’t think she can see herself having one of those on a boy.

“I think we could try being friends again,” Mai says carefully. And then, Ty Lee’s hand is gone from Azula’s and Azula looks up to see Ty Lee throwing her arms around Mai, and _yeah_. There’s definitely something going on there. But Azula will let Mai and Ty Lee open up about that in their own time, because she’s done using fear to force information out of the people who are supposed to be her friends.

* * *

“So there’s a ramen place across the street from here,” Jin starts. “And I was wondering if maybe you wanted to eat lunch with me?”

Azula looks up from her book. It’s almost two, but Azula knows that’s when Jin eats lunch because she has to work through the lunch rush. And truthfully, Azula ate breakfast late enough that she had figured she would either skip lunch entirely or just eat an early dinner. But how can she say now to Jin’s pleading smile?

Azula puts her bookmark in her book and nods. “Sure!” She slips her book into her bag and swings it over her shoulder. She tosses her empty cup on the way out, and Jin leads her to the restaurant that really is just across the street.

“I like to come here a lot for lunch because it’s so close, _and_ the food is _really_ good,” Jin tells her. She holds the door open for Azula, and Azula really tries to not think about how this almost feels like a date.

The girl standing behind the counter waves to them. “Hi, Jin! And hi, Jin’s friend!”

“Hi, Katara!” Jin wraps her hand around Azula’s writs and pulls her up to order. “This is the girl I was telling you about - the one who comes by on Thursdays.”

The girl - Katara - smirks. “Ah, yes. The ever elusive no-name mystery girl Toph and I keep telling you doesn’t actually exist.” Katara frowns. “Although, I guess she clearly does exist.” Katara’s eyes are bright blue and her dark brown hair is pulled back into a single braid. “It’s nice to finally meet you, um…”

If Jin hasn’t told Katara her name, there’s a very high probability Katara knows Zuko and might even recognize Azula by name as being Zuko’s sister. So Azula says the first name that comes to her mind: “Lee.” It was the name Zuko used when they played _house_ or whatever as kids.

“It’s nice to finally meet you, Lee,” Katara says. “What can I get for the two of you?”

Jin orders quickly, and then Katara's gaze is resting on Azula, who is still studying the menu. Time is up, though, so she simply says, "I'll just have the same thing as Jin."

Katara smiles brightly. “Sure thing!” She taps the screen in front of her a few times before telling them the total, and Azula realizes they probably should’ve ordered separately because she doesn’t have any cash on her. But before Azula can offer to pay, Jin is already pulling her card out and handing it over to Katara. And that is _definitely_ not helping Azula convince herself this is not, in any way shape or form, a date.

Once they’re seated, Jin whispers, “That’s Sokka’s sister, and she’s pretty close with Zuko too, so I figured it was safest to not mention your name to her.”

Azula nods - it’s exactly what she’d guessed. “Thank you.”

As they eat, Jin tells Azula about Katara and her other friends who are also friends with Zuko. And Azula should probably know most of this, but she tends to tune Zuko out. She isn’t willing to tune out Jin, though, and this information actually seems interesting coming from her. 

Katara is dating Aang - the boy who also works at Iroh’s shop. She’s a senior in high school like Jin and she wants to be a nurse. Aang is a year younger than Katara and they’ve only been dating for a few months, but apparently everyone knew they liked each other since Aang was a freshman. Sokka - the guy who Zuko is hanging out with today - is Katara’s older brother and has been Zuko’s best friend basically since Zuko moved in with Iroh.

In return, Azula tells Jin about Mai and Ty Lee. Jin’s met them before, of course, since they’re both friends with Zuko now. But Azula has known them longer, and Jin wants to know how their meeting went anyways, despite the fact that Azula texted her about it as soon as she got back home.

It’s far too soon for Azula’s liking when Jin’s phone goes off, alerting her that she needs to head back to the Jasmine Dragon. As they walk back, Azula offers to pay Jin back for lunch, but Jin adamantly refuses to accept. Azula wants to _force_ money into Jin’s hands because she doesn’t _like_ feeling like she owes someone something and even worse is the lingering idea that this was an unofficial date. Not that Azula wouldn’t want it to be a date. It’s just… _complicated_.

Because Azula really likes Jin, but she’s also not quite independent enough to give her father a reason to disown her. And Azula will _not_ be moving into Iroh’s apartment with _Zuko_. She can’t stoop to his level. 

But on the other hand, her father doesn’t have to _know_ about Jin. Jin would understand that it isn’t safe for Azula to be out to her father, and she would respect that. Azula knows she would.

So when Jin links her arm with Azula’s as they cross the street, Azula doesn’t even think about pulling away. It’s not like Azula’s father has any reason to come visit her anyways - he’s busy with his job in DC, and he hardly talks to Azula as it is. As long as Azula does exactly what she’s supposed to at her internship and doesn’t get into a fistfight with the other intern who keeps trying to flirt with her, her father will have no reason to check in.

Jin stops walking outside the Jasmine Dragon, unlinks their arms, and turns to face Azula. “I was wondering…” Jin twists her fingers together. “I’m off next Thursday, so I was thinking maybe we could go somewhere together? Maybe see a movie or something?”

Azula’s mind - like the wonder it is - shuts completely down. She’s positive she couldn’t have heard Jin right. Is that a date? Or is it just as friends? Azula doesn’t even know anymore. She hasn’t made a friend since Mai and Ty Lee when they were all in elementary school, so she has no clue where the line is between platonic and romantic advances.

“It’s totally okay if you don’t--” Jin starts, and that’s what finally kicks Azula’s brain into starting up again.

“No, no!” She interrupts. “I’d like that, really!”

Jin looks relieved. “Okay!” She shoots one of her dazzling, contagious, smiles at Azula, and Azula feels herself smiling in return. Yeah, Azula decides, this is worth the risk of her father’s wrath. Jin is absolutely worth everything; even having to stoop low enough to live with Zuko and Iroh if it comes to that.

* * *

Azula has been living in New York City for two and half months when she and Jin get caught in the rain on their way back to the Jasmine Dragon. They’d gone to walk around town after Jin’s shift ended and apparently neither one of them had thought to look at the weather or bring an umbrella just in case. But Azula found she didn’t even care because Jin’s fingers were entangled with hers and it was probably the best feeling in the world. 

Jin stumbles to a stop in front of the Jasmine Dragon, and Azula nearly stumbles into her. Jin mutters something under her breath.

“What is it?” Azula asks. The awning is sort of protecting them from the rain, but it’s coming down at enough of an angle that it doesn’t really do much.

“I forgot Zuko’s closing tonight,” she says. “We can’t go in, unless you want to see him.”

For half a moment, Azula seriously considers saying _Screw it_ and strutting into the tea shop hand-in-hand with Jin just so she can see her brother’s wide eyes and maybe make him drop a tea cup or something. For half a moment, Azula considers that maybe she should try to reconnect with him too.

But then lightning flashes across the sky, shaking Azula from her trance and sending a shiver through her body. She shakes her head. “No. I don’t think I’m ready for that yet.” So instead of seeking shelter and drying off in the shop, Azula pulls Jin over to her car. She starts the car and turns the heat all the way up, knowing it will take a minute for actual warm air to start blowing out of the vents.

“I had fun today,” Jin says, holding her hands just over the vent. Azula looks at her, brown hair soaked and dripping water all over the seat. Her wet clothes are clinging to her and she’s shivering, shoulders hunched over so she’s curling in on herself. Azula has no doubt she’s in a similar state herself.

And yet, right now, Jin is the most beautiful person Azula has ever seen, and probably the most beautiful person Azula _will_ ever see. Azula’s watched her fair share of movies and TV shows just for a stunning actress, but none of them even come close to Jin.

Azula wants to say _I had fun today too_ , but she realizes that she’s unintentionally been leaning closer to Jin, and Jin has mirrored that action and they’re just _so close_ that Azula’s mind loses all coherency. Azula _should_ pull away, tell Jin to get out of the car, and drive off. She should have never come back to the Jasmine Dragon a second time, should have never let herself befriend Jin or develop feelings for her. She should give into the guilt plaguing her mind and reminding her that her father _will_ find out eventually.

But Azula’s brain is not working right because the prettiest girl Azula has ever met has her face only a few inches from Azula’s. So Azula leans in and closes the distance.

Jin’s lips are cold and wet thanks to the rainstorm, but Azula is still rethinking her previous conclusion that holding Jin’s hand is the best feeling in the world. Holding hands is nice, but it doesn’t hold a candle to _this_. Jin is quick to respond to the kiss, moving her lips against Azula’s. She brings a hand up to cup Azula’s face, and Azula leans further in towards Jin.

The break apart after only a few seconds, but it feels like Azula’s own little eternity that her lips are against Jin’s and nothing else in the world matters.

Jin pushes a strand of hair behind Azula’s ear and laughs quietly. “I really like you, Azula.”

“Oh,” Azula whispers, because that’s about all her brain can get out right now. That’s the only thing playing on a loop through her mind: _Oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh._ And then: _Jin likes me, Jin likes me, Jin likes me and I’m just sitting here staring at her._

“I really like you too,” Azula manages to respond, her brain finally catching up enough to act like a vaguely competent human being. “Like, _really_ like you.”

Jin grins. She leans forward and presses a soft kiss to Azula’s cheek that has no right to leave Azula as breathless as it does. She brings Azula’s hands into hers. “I don’t want to pressure you into anything, so feel free to turn me down, but um…” Jin bites her lip. “Would you like to be my girlfriend?”

It continues as most tragedies do; with a lapse in judgment.

“ _Yes._ ”

* * *

A month after Azula and Jin start dating, they come out to Iroh. Jin is the one who assures Azula he’ll be okay with it, and really, Azula is _dying_ to tell _someone_. And her only options are Iroh, Mai, Ty Lee, and - Agni forbid - Zuko. She doesn’t want to risk ruining her friendship with Mai and Ty Lee so soon after they’ve reconnected, and she’s still on edge about letting Zuko know she’s been coming to the Jasmine Dragon, especially since it’s been three and a half months at this point. So they tell Iroh over tea, and he smiles like he already knew, but he congratulates them all the same.

Azula continues meeting with Mai and Ty Lee every other week just to talk and drink tea and eat pastries that have no right to taste as good as they do. She and Jin alternate between visiting each other and meeting up somewhere halfway between them. 

And really, Azula should have realized this little life she’d set up for herself couldn’t last forever. It’s perfect, but Azula doesn’t get _perfect_. Spirits, Azula doesn’t even get _good_. She’s Ozai Sozin’s daughter, for Agni’s sake! Her father looked her in the eye and told her he killed his own father to win sympathy points and get a seat in the senate when Azula was ten years old. Her mother either ran away in the middle of the night or was locked up somewhere so she couldn’t interfere with her father’s plans. All Azula has ever known is some sort of destruction, and she couldn’t even hold onto her brother when all he wanted was her to be his little sister.

Azula doesn’t deserve good things, so she isn’t exactly surprised when it all comes crashing down around her, but she’d already taken into consideration the danger she was putting herself in. The one mistake her father had made was not realizing that Azula was raised to have very little self-preservation instinct. Of course she doesn’t particularly want to die, but it wasn’t hard to choose between risking ending up homeless and broke or Jin.

Except, Azula’s father _did_ realize that Azula’s self-preservation instinct was far lower than average and there was nothing he could threaten to take away from her that would successfully bend her to his will. Which is why her father doesn’t threaten Azula’s life or safety or shelter or income or anything else of Azula’s that he could easily pull out of her grasp.

No, he goes after Jin.

* * *

It climaxes as most tragedies do; with a lapse in vigilance.

Azula has gotten lazy, and she’s loosely aware of that, but it’s just been so _easy_ to slip into letting her guard down, especially around Jin. Jin is the one person Azula doesn’t have to hide around; the one person Azula can confide in for every secret and every worry that crosses her mind. So of course Azula ended up slipping, and she’s not even as surprised as she thought she would be when her father strides into the Jasmine Dragon on a frigid Thursday afternoon in late January.

Azula is sitting at a table across from Jin, and Jin has her back to the door which gives Azula a perfect view of her father, dressed in black and wearing a pair of sunglasses, as he tugs open the door and his glare lands directly on Azula.

Azula’s eyes _do_ widen, and she _does_ feel her body go cold, but she hadn’t been naïve enough to believe she could hide forever. Sure, this is sooner than she’d have liked, but it’s a new year and Azula’s New Year’s resolution had been to meet up with Zuko, tell him she’s been coming to the Jasmine Dragon regularly since late August, and maybe even come out to him. So no, Azula wasn’t entirely prepared to see her father already, but she wasn’t completely caught off guard either. She could deal with this. She could look him in the eye as he disowned her exactly like he did to Zuko, and she’d get off easy because they’re in public and he can’t physically hurt her in the middle of a tea shop, much less one that belongs to _Iroh_. Because Azula knows her uncle will not have his silence bought.

“What is it?” Jin whispers.

“Don’t look,” Azula orders, and Jin listens. She stares down at her drink. Azula lowers her voice so it’s quiet enough she isn’t even sure Jin can hear her. “It’s my father.”

The way Jin’s body tenses lets Azula know that she _did_ hear.

“Brother,” Iroh says from his spot behind the counter, and it’s a harsh sort of tone Azula can’t recall ever hearing him use. She knows Zuko isn’t here right now - he has class Thursday afternoons again this semester - which means either Iroh doesn’t want Azula’s father near him, or he doesn’t want him near Azula. The latter is a nice thought, but Azula isn’t really sure she believes it’s a possibility. “Can I help you?”

“I’m here to speak to my _daughter_ ,” he spits the last word out in the same tone he used when he called Zuko his _son_ right before burning his face and disowning him. And maybe Azula is a little more afraid than she’d led herself to believe. Maybe she does have a little bit more of a self-preservation instinct than she’d previously thought.

Azula looks back at Iroh, who is feigning ignorance. “Why would Azula come visit me? Is she not still in the capital with you?”

“I don’t have time for your games, Iroh.”

Azula wants to grab onto Jin and bury her face in Jin’s shoulder until her father leaves. She wants to take Jin’s hand and run, though she doesn’t even know where they’d run to. Not her apartment, and Jin’s house is too obvious. Azula wants the ground to open up and swallow her whole, but only if Jin can come along and they can start a new life without any homophobic fathers who are about to disown their only child left.

Instead, Azula sits frozen in her seat as her father’s gaze drops back to her with the same malicious glare Azula has seen him give to Zuko a hundred times. 

“Azula.”

There’s a disconnect between Azula’s brain and mouth again, rendering her unable to get any words out. But this time, it isn’t rooted in the thrilling nervousness of being in the presence of Jin and having to deal with a crush and feelings Azula hadn’t taken the time to consider she could even develop. This time, it’s rooted in a deep-seated dread that feels a little bit like Azula is fourteen years old, watching her father burn her brother’s face and wondering if he’s going to kill him like he killed Grandpa Azulon.

“We need to talk.”

Azula wants to tell him _No_ , but her mouth still isn’t working, and that single word would be a death sentence anyways. Instead, her feet act of their own accord and she stands up. She feels the eyes of everyone else in the shop bouncing between Azula and her father. She sees Jin’s worried look, and Azula does her best to offer her girlfriend a reassuring smile, but it probably comes across looking more like a grimace.

Azula’s father turns and walks out of the shop, and Azula knows she doesn’t really have a choice on whether to follow him or not. So she tells Jin, “Please record through the window,” so when her father brings out a lighter, maybe she and Zuko can take him to court. Jin nods solemnly, and then Azula’s feet carry her outside to her father.

“You are better than this,” is the first thing her father tells her after the door swings shut. “I would expect something like this coming from your treacherous brother, but _you_ are better than this.”

“I’m sorry,” Azula responds automatically, even though she isn’t. “I’ll stop visiting Un-- I’ll stop visiting Iroh.”

Azula’s father turns to face her. “That’s not what I’m talking about. I’m not fond of you talking with my brother, but something far more _dire_ has been brought to my attention.” He looks in through the window, and when Azula realizes he’s looking at Jin, she thinks her heart might stop. So this really is going to be Azula having to look her father in the eye and tell him she’s pretty sure she’s a lesbian and she’s absolutely certain Jin is the best thing that’s ever happened to her, so he can try his worst, but Azula is _done_ playing his games?

Well. That’s fine. Azula can play this game. She watched Zuko’s every movement and she can make it out of this less scarred than him. Azula has always been better than Zuko, and if her father is going to lift a finger against her, Azula isn’t going to let him get away with it. She’ll have the proof Zuko doesn’t. All Zuko has is Azula as a witness against a father with enough money to buy a verdict in favor of him. Azula will have solid video evidence.

Azula’s father pulls his phone from his pocket, unlocks it, and turns it so Azula can see the screen. It’s a picture of her and Jin outside the Jasmine Dragon, and the snow falling around them tells Azula it’s pretty recent. Azula’s gloved hands are cupping Jin’s face and pulling her into a kiss. 

Despite herself, Azula smiles at the picture. They’re both obviously smiling into the kiss, and if it were anyone but her father, Azula would ask if they could send the picture to her and maybe she’d even do something ridiculously cheesy like set it as her lockscreen. It’s a good picture, really. It’s a wonder they didn’t catch someone photographing them with such a clear shot.

“This is not a game, Azula,” her father tells her as he pockets his phone.

Azula swallows her smile. “Yes, Father,” she tells him even though she knows everything is a game when it comes to him. Everything is a game, and Azula has just either committed a treasonous foul, pulled out a wild card, or both. 

“Let me make myself clear,” her father says. “You are going to break up with this _girl_ , and you are never going to pull this again.” Azula opens her mouth to argue, but her father gives her a look that shuts her up. “Do not argue. You’re going to tell her were trying to fit in with today’s trends and you don’t like her in _that_ way. And then I’m sending you to university in England, and I will have complete access to your phone, computer, and any and all social media accounts you might have.”

“Or what?” Azula asks, because she’s expecting him to say something like _Or I’m disowning you and you’ll be completely on your own_ , which Azula can respond to by walking straight back into the Jasmine Dragon and asking Iroh if she can live with him.

Instead, Azula’s father says, “Or Jin will pay the price.”

And in that moment, Azula knows she is going to do anything and everything her father tells her. Because Azula watched him burn Zuko’s face, and Azula heard him confess to murder, and Azula knows how likely it is that he locked her mother up somewhere when she was too risky to keep out in the public eye. So Azula will say yes to whatever her father asks of her if it means Jin stays safe, because Azula can’t be the reason Jin gets hurt.

“Why are you doing this?” Azula asks anyways, as some sort of last-ditch effort to maybe convince her father to just burn her instead. “Why not just disown me?”

Her father tuts. “I can’t have two estranged children, now can I? That would be terrible publicity.”

Azula can’t even argue with that, because he’s right.

* * *

Azula’s father keeps his eyes trained on her as she sulks back into the tea shop and packs up her stuff. She tries to apologize to Jin without saying anything, but she knows her father won’t let them talk alone. So Azula buries the ache this is causing to ripple through her chest as deep as it will go, and she prays Jin will understand that Azula would do anything for her, and this _is_ that “anything”.

“What’s going on?” Jin asks. “Azula--”

“Just stop,” Azula snaps, and she hates herself for it, but with her father’s eyes burning holes in the back of her head, she’s slipping right back into her old self. “I can’t, okay? I’m leaving.” And Azula prays to Agni that Jin knows this isn’t at all what Azula wants, but Azula doesn’t have a _choice_ because Jin’s blood is going to be on her hands if she doesn’t follow her father’s orders. “I’m sorry.”

Jin looks from Azula to her father and gives him the dirtiest glare she can manage, but it’s _Jin_ , who is about as intimidating as a puppy. So Azula waves a farewell to Jin and Iroh both, and that’s it.

Azula sends Jin the breakup text that her father mandated, then she deletes all her social media accounts so she doesn’t have to give her father access to them. She prints off all the pictures she has of her and Jin on her phone, then deletes them too because any slip up is reason enough for her father to hurt Jin while Azula is across the ocean and too far away to do anything.

True to his word, Azula’s father sends her to England and she starts classes two weeks after everyone else, but she figures her father bought her way into the university anyways, so it doesn’t matter much.

Azula blocks Jin’s number, and then she starts sending snappy responses to Mai and Ty Lee because the last thing she needs is to put them in danger too. Eventually, Mai and Ty Lee stop texting, and Azula really can’t blame them. It’s a wonder Zuko still bothers calling.

The world shuts down in March and Azula gets stuck in her apartment in London, all alone and across the ocean from everyone she’s ever cared about. She can’t talk to anyone about anything that matters because her father is monitoring her every conversation, so Azula slinks into a completely isolated state, her only human contact being replying to her peers’ responses on discussion boards and her Zoom classes.

And it ends as most tragedies do; in heartbreak.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> is this chapter just me pushing shameless promotion of my rarepair? maybe so, maybe so. but what's the point of a fic if it isn't self indulgent?

**Author's Note:**

> i'm going to do my best to update this fic weekly and i already have the next several chapters written so i should be good, but i am a college student so we shall see.  
> (also once i finish the actual writing, i'll probably start updating more frequently than once a week)
> 
> you can find me on [tumblr](https://zukkaclawthorne.tumblr.com/) & [twitter](https://twitter.com/H0LL0WKAIDAM)


End file.
